The title of the post is something that I never understood for years. When I was little, there was a key chain attached to the key of the boat at the cottage. When you're 8, you don't understand things like that. Only later did I realize that it was along the lines of "either way I'm in command and you have to do what I tell you". Only later in life do you realize how important that can be.
In life most people don't have that kind of military discipline drilled into them. They key to getting things done as you want is to find people who will do it that way by default. That's something that I figured out when we were doing all the work for the wedding. For example, Laura wanted tulips for the wedding, but most flower people we spoke to tried to re-direct us to some other type of flower. We didn't go with those flower people. We spoke to several photographers and discussed how we wanted quick, informal pictures. One photographer said that he typically wants 3-5 hours to take pictures. We didn't choose him. We went with someone who described what they do and it matched what we wanted.
If you don't want to fight the people you interact with, find people who share the same goals and methods. Life is a lot easier when you can do that.
There are always exceptions. Sometimes you are able to teach people and they adopt the same goals and methods as you. I owe my passion for testing to Ryan who showed me the light. I was part of the interview team for one of the more test driven people I work with. I asked him about unit testing to which he said that he didn't like it and thought that it was a waste of time. I thought that I could get him to drink the testing kool-aid and I was right. But I think that situations like those are rare.
Working in a team is always a tricky thing. You have to account for the fact that people are in the end, still people, with ego's and all the other rest. But for a team to be efficient, the players need to be working toward the same goal, using the same means. When you look for new people to integrate into the team, you should be looking for people that already "line up" with the other members to ensure a smooth integration. Likewise, when you are in a team you must make sure that your goals and how to achieve them line up with the other members. You must follow what the leader is saying and work accordingly. If you have any concerns or ideas, you bring them up, but in the end it's still the "Captain" that has the final call. Then there are 2 choices: follow the rules that have been set down or get out.
In the end it's pretty simple.
What I don't like is when people ask your opinion about something, and then shoot down your opinion. If you don't want my opinion don't ask for my opinion. In the same way, I don't think that somebody who is running a business should try to tell you what you want to buy. If you want tulips, they should sell you tulips. They can make suggestions such as, tulips will be really expensive in December, so we recommend something else, but don't insist that the customer is wrong. Because, well, like they say, the customer is always right.
ReplyDeleteFor the tulip issues I sort of understand a bit. If you see a picture of a bunch of cut tulips they are all standing up and tightly closed. They don't last that way for long at all. All the flowers open up and get all droopy.
ReplyDeleteI think that the flower people didn't want Laura to be disappointed with how the flowers looked after a short time. If you deal with someone that sells you *exactly* what you ask for and it turns out to be crap, then most likely you are going to be blame the other people rather than saying "wow, I was an idiot!".
Having said that, it was frustrating at times. We tried not to deal with anyone who frustrated us. There was more than enough stress to go around to start with without adding more. :-/
Yeah, that kind of mentality sometimes doesn't work. Example: your boss is an idiot and tells you to do something; you say it's not good and you'll eventually have to redo everything; he pulls out the argument you just mentioned and you still have to do whatever he says. All of a sudden this becomes "Right or wrong, you're still a douchebag".
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