Saturday, 30 June 2012

I want poor quality too!

I don't get apps like instagram and the filters that you can apply. I really don't get it. Taking cutting edge camera technology and using it to capture the best possible image doesn't make people happy until they can apply film grain and colour distortion from 40 year old badly processed pictures. Oh, ideally wrap it in a generic square boarder to make it look like you're a hipster who only shoots slide film from a defunct company... on their cell phone. If I really wanted to see such shitty pictures I'd just turn off the colour green on my monitor.

I bet that if you went back to the 1960's and spoke to the people were taking photos on film like that, they'd LOVE to be able to cheaply capture images as well as we can today. Oh, in something that you could print a wall poster of. And see it before you took it. And could take tens of thousands of pictures. And the cost per picture was virtually (haha) zero. And the camera was tiny and had access to the world's information and allowed you to contact anyone on the earth, from almost anywhere. But instead you get people taking shitty pictures, cropping it to a square and messing up the colour so bad it looks like they took the picture from inside a girly drink. In some pictures I swear that you can see part of the drink umbrella.

It's like taking a new car, putting horse cartwheels and sitting on the roof so that you can steer it. You know, like your ancestors used to in the good old days. Screw that. When your kids (grandkids, whatever) want to see what you were like waaay back in the early 2010's, they probably don't want to deal with whatever shitty filter you were playing with at the time. Would they correct it? Maybe. Maybe their cyborg assistant will. Who knows. But why make more work. Just take nice pictures. Stop being so... artistic... and hip. Be boring like me.

Friday, 29 June 2012

Credit card forget

I having a bit of a reminder how much I use my credit card. I try to use it for everything (because we get points at 1% that we use to buy food). Sometimes I just forget what I've connected to it.

The other day the credit card company called me up and said that my card / number had been found via some investigation, but no transactions had gone through. I have no idea how it was found - card skimmer, hacked website that I had bought something, I don't know. Either way, they were cancelling my card and sending me a new card which would take 5-7 business days. That was 5 business days ago and still no card.

So far I've tried to pay for a delivered pizza with it and buy stuff on itunes. Both times I had totally forgotten that the card was killed. Mental note: when they cancel your card, destroy it or bend it in 1/2 right away so you don't forget.

It's probably bad that in my brain I've abstracted the "buy" action with where the money actually comes from. Oie.

Monday, 25 June 2012

Documenting the inconsequential

It's hard with a new baby to realize that your brain has melted. You're just babbling along and you're so far gone you can't even recognize it. Everything that the baby does is exciting. It's hard not to think that everything going on is important to capture. With a camera on hand, it's easy to do. I'm not sure if it's the lack of sleep, having the total focus on one individual who arguably can't do too much, or if that's just how we are wired as a species.

That's a lot of words to apologize for publishing a video called "Alice yawning". That wasn't even one of the "boring" videos.

This last week we were looking at some of the older videos. Not always our best work. However I'm still glad that we made them. She has changed so much it's blows my mind. I've been told by other parents that you keep on thinking "this is wonderful, right now. I don't think that they could get awesomer!", but then they do. It could be for our species to survive we are wired to think that. It could be the fumes from the baby soap mixed with powered barley cereal. It's really too difficult to tell for sure.

Saturday, 23 June 2012

The Element of Surprise

Sometimes there are occasions for gifts. Sometimes there are gifts because the postal shipping method is slow. Either way lately there seems to have been a lot of neat gifts. For father's day I've gotten 5 awesome t-shirts, a Robert Munsch book (Give Me Back My Dad!), and some star wars usb drives. It's quite possible that I've forgotten something else too. Aside: multiday headaches suck.

The neat part is each one has been a surprise. I find it funny how much joy an amusing article of clothing can bring. ;-)

Thursday, 21 June 2012

My shittyest post yet

Yes, this post is about poop. If that will make you feel flush, you'll just have to move along. This blog might be way past number two on your list of things to do today, but I think that you should keep going to the rest of the items if you can't handle the discussion (of one).

It's messed up what becoming a parent makes you talk about.

I think that cleaning up a baby is my least favourite thing to do with them. It's the dumps. It used to be every diaper change there was at least some element of number 2. Now that she's eating "solids" things are more solid (haha) and a lot less frequent - like once a day or less. But that means when it does arrive, it's a pooxplosion. Poomageddon. A pootastrophe. A poosunami of, well, poo. In short: really, really gross.

I swear that diapers are only made to handle pee. Maybe our child is just really talented at evacuating her bowels. All I can think when I hear her "beat boxing" is "Close the blast doors! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS!!! [BOOM! sound of blast doors not closed in time]". Times like that make me wish that we had a bidet where we could just sit her over it and hose her off. In short, babies can be gross, even if it's only like 5 minutes per day.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Joss Whedon Is My Master (for some time) Now

The title of this post is of course inspired by the pvp comic and then the t-shirt. I find it easy to love Joss's work, although there is always that point where he kills a character you've been made to love. Curse your sudden but inevitable tugging at my heart strings!

We saw The Avengers the other day while my in-laws helpfully babysat. There are probably be spoilers from here on, so if you have not see the movie or at least the trailers, don't blame me if you feel things are spoiled (hence the name "spoilers").

Of course it was awesome. Laura's complaint was that there was perhaps too much action. That's sort of like saying there was too much dessert or world peace. It doesn't really make sense. We saw it in 3D and I felt sort of nauseous by the end. I'm not sure if it was due to the 3D, the pounding sound, the blur at 24fps or what. There was a ton of laughs both on screen and off. Like when the flying prehistoric sandworm of death was attacking Manhattan, Laura leans over to me and starts to sing softly in my ear the music from the Neverending Story. I should have worn an adult diaper for that moment alone. Good times.

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Where does he get those wonderful toys?

As I've mentioned before, I've been frustrated with my picture taking. I feel that I've kind of leveled out. There are still areas that I'm pretty frustrated with. Even "basic" ones. With the rumours of an "affordable" full frame camera coming out before September, I started to drool. Surely jumping up to a full frame will fix all my complaints.

Then I remembered that it's not the camera I'm frustrated with, it's me.

So rather than planning on spending a couple of grand on more toys and be in the same place (more or less) than I am, I've spent 50 bucks on a couple of books. So far, so good.

One thing that I've been frustrated with the camera is that indoors sometimes the white balance is off and everything looks orange. If I shoot with a flash everything is good, but sometimes it's nice to just use the available light (even if it means that the iso is cranked way up). My brother-in-law has a much more expensive camera and what I'm going to call a "White Balance Lens Cap" - pretty much a piece of white plastic you put on your camera, shoot a picture and let the camera figure out the white balance based on the current light. I (stupidly) thought that this was a feature only available on very expensive gear. Last night I RTFM'ed and lo and behold, my camera does that too. A couple of menu settings and a picture of a kleenex and everything looked a whole lot less orange. Frack. I think that I need to sit down and just go through the manual, section by section, to figure out all the features that I'm missing. Now I just have to fold up a piece of paper and put it in my camera bag and I've got all the new equipment that I need for now.

In order to remind myself that it's not the gear, it's the photographer, here are some of my favourite "cheap camera" (point and shoot or phone) pictures.

Reading in the dark

Sky walk

The path along the beach goes on forever

Men in a fishing boat

Moraine Lake - boats for rent

Just stopped by the side of the road

Saturday, 16 June 2012

Single Speed Jim

A couple of weeks ago I went out for a bike ride. (Aside: I miss going for rides almost daily, so I'm really looking forward to taking Alice out when she's old enough, but that's another story.) I needed to burn off some energy so I pushed as hard as I could. I did about 21.5 km in 1:00:06 (about an hour). It was slightly a new route because of a path closure, so I didn't really have a baseline. Along the way I got stuck at a couple of traffic lights but otherwise the traffic on the paths was light.

The other day I did the same route, but I took it a lot easier. The traffic on the paths was heavier, but I didn't get hung up at the 2 sets of lights as long. And I didn't slow down at the very end to send a text message. My time: 1:00:28 (about an hour). Apparently I only have 1 speed and it's about 21.5 km / hour.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

What's going through my head as I feed our daughter

Now that Alice is on solid food we're taking turns feeding her. It's usually a slow, slimy (because she jams her fingers into the food and her mouth and then touches me), but rewarding, process. Since I'm not wracking my brain trying calculate orbital velocities or figure out how to spell 5 letter words, my brain tends to wander. And when my brain wanders, it usually heads straight to Star Wars.



I imagine that feeding a baby is a lot like the ending from Episode IV where they are trying to take out the Death Star. Please consider the following screenplay:




INTERIOR: MASSASSI -- WAR ROOM BRIEFING AREA.

Dodonna stands before a large electronic wall display. Leia
and several other senators are to one side of the giant
readout. The low-ceilinged room is filled with starpilots,
navigators, and a sprinkling of R2-type robots. Everyone is
listening intently to what Dodonna is saying. Mommy is
standing near the back.

DODONNA: The Baby is heavily shielded and carries a
barfpower greater than half the family. It's defenses are designed
around a direct large-scale assault. A small one-personed spoon should be
able to penetrate the outer defense.

Gold Leader, a rough looking man in his early thirties,
stands and addresses Dodonna.

GOLD LEADER: Pardon me for asking, sir, but what good are tiny
spoons going to be against that?

DODONNA: Well, the Baby doesn't consider a small one-personed spoon to
be any threat, or she'd have a tighter defense. An analysis of the
plans provided by Princess Leia has demonstrated a weakness in the
Baby.

Artoo-Detoo stands next to a similar robot, makes beeping
sounds, and turns his head from right to left.

DODONNA: The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver
straight down this tray and skim the surface to this point. The
target area is only two centimeters wide. It's a small barf exhaust
port, right below the nose port. The shaft leads directly to the
digestive system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should
destroy the hunger.

A murmer of disbelief runs through the room.

DODONNA: Only a precise hit will set up a chain reaction. The shaft is
arm-shielded, so you'll have to use careful spooning.

Luke is sitting next to Wedge Antilles, a hotshot pilot
about sixteen years old.

WEDGE: That's impossible, even for a computer.

LUKE: It's not impossible. I used to bull's-eye womp rats in my
T-sixteen back home. They're not much bigger than two centimeters.

DODONNA: Man your ships! And may the Force be with you!

The group rises and begins to leave.



EXTERIOR: SPACE.

The Baby begins to move around the high chair toward the
leg holes in an attempt to escape.

INTERIOR Space: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke looks excitedly toward Red Leader.

RED LEADER: (over headset) Get set to make your attack run.

INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke looks into his targeting device. He moves it away for a
moment and ponders its use. He looks back into the computer
targeter.

BIGGS: (over headset) Hurry up, Luke!

EXTERIOR: BABY IN THE HIGHCHAIR -- LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke's spoon streaks over the tray of the Baby.


INTERIOR: MASSASSI OUTPOST -- WAR ROOM.

Princess Leia returns her general's worried and doubtful
glances with solid, grim determination. Threepio seems nervous.

THREEPIO: Hang on, Artoo!


INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke concentrates on his targeting device.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE HIGHCHAIR.

Two Baby arms charge away over the tray toward Luke.

INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke adjusts the lens of his targeting device.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE TRAY.

Luke's spoon charges down the tray.


INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke lines up the yellow cross-hair lines of the targeting
device's screen. He looks into the targeting device, then
starts at a voice he hears.

BEN'S VOICE: Use the Force, Luke.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE TRAY.

The tray zooms by.


INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke looks up, then starts to look back into the targeting
device. He has second thoughts.

BEN'S VOICE: Let go, Luke.

A grim determination sweeps across Luke's face as he closes
his eyes and starts to mumble Ben's training to himself.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE HIGHCHAIR.

Luke's spoon streaks over the tray.


INTERIOR: BABY'S MIND.

BABY: The Force is strong with this one!


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE TRAY.

Both the Baby's arms follows Luke's spoon over the tray.


INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke looks to the targeting device, then away as he hears
Ben's voice.

BEN'S VOICE: Luke, trust me.

Luke's hand reaches for the control panel and presses the
button. The targeting device moves away.


INTERIOR: MASSASSI OUTPOST -- WAR ROOM.

Leia and the others stand watching the projected screen.

BASE VOICE: (over speaker) His computer's off. Luke, you switched off
your targeting computer. What's wrong?

LUKE: (over speaker) Nothing. I'm all right.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE HIGHCHAIR.

Luke's spoon streaks ever close to the food port.

INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke looks at the baby's arms streaking by.

EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE BABY.

The two arms, manned by the Baby,
follow Luke's spoon down the tray.


INTERIOR: BABY'S RIGHT ARM.

Maneuvers her controls as he looks at her doomed target.
Fingers shoots toward Luke's spoon.


EXTERIOR: LUKE'S SPOON.

A large burst of the Baby's fingers engulfs the food. The arms go
limp on the daddy as he makes a high-pitched sound.


INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke looks frantically at the spoon.


EXTERIOR: LUKE'S SPOON.

Food oozes out around little fingers and goo begins to fly.

LUKE: I've lost Food!

Food makes a splattering sound as it hits various surfaces.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE TRAY.

Two hands zoom down the highchair tray in
pursuit of the spoon, never breaking formation.


INTERIOR: LUKE'S SPOON.

Luke looks anxiously at the food port.


INTERIOR: BABY'S MIND.

Baby adjusts her arms, checking her projected
targeting screen.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE TRAY.

Luke's spoon barrels down the tray.


INTERIOR: BABY'S MIND.

The Baby's targeting computer swings around into position. The Baby
takes careful aim on Luke's spoon.

Baby: I have you now.

She squeezes her fingers.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE HIGHCHAIR.

The two arms move in on Luke's spoon. As the left arm's
fingers close, the right arm is suddenly immobilized. The remaining
arm continues to move in.


INTERIOR: LUKE'S SPOON.

Luke looks about, wondering how the arm stopped.


INTERIOR: BABY'S MIND.

Baby is taken by surprise, and looks out from her highchair.

BABY: What?


INTERIOR: BEHIND THE HIGHCHAIR.

Mommy grins from ear to ear.

MOMMY: (yelling) Yahoo!



EXTERIOR: SPACE AROUND THE BABY.

Mommy's hand heads right at the remaining arm.
It's a collision course.


EXTERIOR: HIGHCHAIR.

Baby panics at the sight of the oncoming mommy
hand and veers radically to one side, colliding with
Baby's face in the process. Gooey fingers crashes
into the left cheek. Mommy grabs the left arm and holds
it out of the way.


EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE HIGHCHAIR.

Mommy moves in toward the baby.


INTERIOR: BEHIND THE HIGHCHAIR.

Mommy, smiling, speaks to Luke over her headset mike.

MOMMY: (into mike) You're all clear, kid.


INTERIOR: MASSASSI OUTPOST -- WAR ROOM.

Leia and the others listen to Mommy's transmission.

MOMMY: (over speaker) Now let's feed this baby and go home!


INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke looks up and smiles. He concentrates on the food port,
then moves the spoon into the food port.

EXTERIOR: SURFACE OF THE BABY.

Luke's spoon shoot toward the port and seems to simply
disappear into the surface and not explode. But the food does
find their mark and have gone into the food port and are
heading for the stomach.

INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke throws his head back in relief.

INTERIOR: BEHIND THE HIGHCHAIR.

MOMMY: Great shot, kid. That was one in a million.


INTERIOR: LUKE'S CHAIR.

Luke is at ease, and his eyes are closed.

BEN'S VOICE: Remember, the Force will be with you...always.



Sunday, 10 June 2012

Half of everything

I once watched a show where they were talking about these "suites" in Las Vegas where you could stay "free" as long as you promised to bet some ridiculous amount at the casino. The suite was huge, lets say 3000 square feet, and came with a dedicated butler. The thing that I took away from that program was when they interviewed the butler and he talked about his training. You were supposed to speak an octave lower, half as fast, and move at half the speed. I think that the idea is that the staff are background and calming. I feel that this is brilliant.

This is how I try to interact with kids. I don't know if it's something that I picked up from my family or if that one interview from that show took deep root in my brain. Kids (not my own) are usually excited to talk to me (being the amazing uncle / parents friend that I am). Rather than feed this "wind up", I use the "half of everything" trick. No use the kid being so excited that they can't communicate. It almost feels zen in a way. Calm, slow, thoughtful.

I'd be lying if I told you that I don't get caught up in the excitement and mess up. But it just feels like the right way to act. It's probably the right way to act with everyone, not just kids, but that's another story.

It confuses me to see adults trying to excite a calm child. Maybe I just grew up in a family with too many excited kids. Maybe the other adults have never been attacked by half a dozen children hopped up on sugar armed with rope and a vague sense of purpose. I don't know what it is. But if you come across my calm child, don't wind them up and I won't shit under your bed. Both actions create a stink and a mess that will have to be dealt with sometime in the night.

FYI: rope burn all over your body isn't fun.

Tying up "Red Beard"

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Doing things upside down

First off, I'd like to apologize about being a whiny bitch in my last post. I was bummed out (as stated), and that's just how things are. Laura helped me realize that I was comparing apples to oranges when looking at some other people's photos. From the photos and the descriptions that people sometimes include of them, they are taken by people who go out to take pictures, while we take pictures when we go out. We do it upside down: the goal is totally different. I don't spend 3 hours waiting for the perfect shot.

Now, I'm not saying that other people who just are out for a walk don't take amazing pictures. Laura just made me realize that I shouldn't be comparing the pictures that I take to others when the basic premise is different.

So enjoy a picture that I took while we were moving by on a fan boat.

DSC_0198

Sunday, 3 June 2012

Bummed out with pictures

I feel a bit bummed out about our photo organization and my general skill at it. For organization our pictures, flickr has been working out somewhat well for the past many years, but I have an uneasy feeling storing all the metadata (tags, sets, etc) in an external service like that. And I really don't know where to start to fix it. I want my cake and to eat it too, but I don't even know where to get some cake. It feels pretty confusing.

So I start to avoid actually getting that work done and jump over to the flickr last 7 days interesting page and look at the wonderful pictures there. Then I start to feel really bummed out. The pictures are so amazing and I'm never happy with my shots. I feel better about the pictures the more I practice, but never really happy. Am I limited by my lack of post processing? Equipment? Skills in composition, lighting, layout, something else. Am I lacking of any artistic talent? All of the above? Would spending more money on gear improve anything, or just mean that I've sunk money into metal, glass and plastic that I won't be able to realize the investment of? Ahhhhgggg!!

Times like this makes me want to jump through the window. But you know... that would hurt. So I won't. And I'd be the one that would have to clean up the broken glass. So I'll solve this problem as best I can: go to sleep and go for a long walk tomorrow with my girls. It's hard to be bummed about anything when I'm out walking with my girls.