Return to the office sucks

I can't get over how much I don't actually like going into the office. The things that I like doing before was hanging out, going for coffee, eating lunch together, etc. All the things that I don't feel comfortable with doing. And when I go, there is very few people there that are supposed to be because everyone is sick all the time.

Did I mention how much nicer I like working from home? How much more work I get done?

Can you imagine going to your employer and telling them that you're going to be working in the local coffee shop. You're not really going to see anyone you work with probably. Maybe someone that you worked not closely with before. You demand that your employer pay for your time at the coffee shop because the wifi isn't free. Of course you'll have to call into meetings since not everyone is going to be at your coffee shop with you. Oh, it'll also be terrible for productivity since it's loud, very little privacy, and you're probably going to get sick because of the unmasked people about. I don't think that your employer would think this is a good idea. But this is what I see the office as.

Would it be better if everyone was in the office full time? Not really since I work with people in various different places and departments.

I'm not happy about the whole thing. It depresses me the day before I go in. It depresses me the whole time I'm there.

I've been going back 2 days a week, health permitting since September I think. I can count two different conversations I've had with people about actual work. And those could just as easily have been done virtually.

I hate it and there is no logical argument that I can make that will change it since the decision is political and along the lines of Because I Said So.

My baby is Eleven

 Like the age 11, not like the character from Stranger Things.

It's wild. Alice is what I call "grown up size" in that fact that she's taller than my cousins or Glinda the Good Witch. She has like 8.5-9 sized feet, size 10 winter boots. But she's still a kid. She still wants us to sing skidamarink every night.

She's growing up. She's strong. She's smart. She knows what she wants. I believe that she understands the power she has and, importantly how to use it.

Where did the last 11 years go? Wasn't it just yesterday?

I really am starting to understand the "long days, fast years" expression. Maybe it's short years. Either way, time is going fast.

Thanksgiving with my folks

For the first time in almost 3 years, we had my folks inside for a meal. We all tested first. It was so nice.

I was able to talk to my folks easily since it was just us and them. It shows me though just how different a perception that some people have about COVID though. Honestly it makes me sad. My dad was saying how COVID is over. However the numbers are high, stable, and trending upwards as we enter our 8th (9th?) wave. He, without having had COVID, was saying people just get sick for a couple of days and they are back okay and it's just like a cold. I was pointing out that people are still dying and he, as a 74 year old diabetic with high blood pressure and a family of history of heart attacks, dismissed that it was only the people with comorbidities.

I want to see my folks. I want them not to get sick. I want them around for a while longer.

I feel like I'm living in a different world with a very different set of data. How can you agree on appropriate actions when the starting information is so drastically different?

After over 2 years, we all got COVID in 4 months

I still don't really get how Laura and Isaac got it. Maybe outside on a patio? Maybe masked at camp? Or unmasked at camp pickup? I'm not sure. But the symptoms started when we went to the cottage. I don't think that it we passed it along to anyone else there which was good.

Alice and Isaac went to circus camp which they loved. Outdoors. On the last day during the show for parents, it was mentioned that one of Alice's coaches (and maybe another one) were off for 2 days sick. Alice was fine, but we were going to have Laura's folks inside for dinner so we used a RAT on here. Positive. @^#$^#&$

Other than maybe a cough a couple of days later, we seemed fine. I think that I was the most effected from COVID which honestly doesn't surprise me. I'm happy no one else was as sick as me.

So, still doing our best, in a 4 month window we all had it. I'm proud of the fact that for most part (except for the Laura to Isaac transmission) we were able to stop transmission between people.

So, while Alice is isolating at home, I've got Isaac and Lucy in Daddy Daycare. It's great, we're going to museums that we haven't for years. I am so happy about taking to places they are excited about, but I'm also a bit sad because they've grown out of some of the things they used to love. Ah well. Such is the nature of time. I just had hoped that there wasn't such a weird gap in time.

I had COVID

I'm not sure I really documented it anywhere, but I had COVID. I'm not exactly sure how I got it. My best guess was while I was masked at a tween jewellery store. People weren't masked there, it was tight. At some point someone was coughing.

 

I was on 2 day of a migraine and took Alice for a ride and by the time I got to the Corktown bridge, I was tired. Really, really winded and tired. I didn't understand why. The next day I had the slightest feeling things were off so I took a RAT. I didn't think that there was a line, but Laura disagreed. She took me for a PCR to confirm what she thought - I had COVID. Alice didn't get it. Laura got herself and Isaac tested and they were okay. I did the isolation from them which was a bit hard for everyone. I didn't get too ill, but while I was sick I would so very easily get winded. Like, standing up to make coffee was too much. When I was on the mend I went for a outside walk with Laura and she told me a joke. I laughed and laughed... and then had to sit down on the curb for a while so I didn't pass out.

So, I seemed to have gotten COVID while masked (not with my best mask) in a mall for less than an hour. I've always felt like I am the weak one health wise. This doesn't make me feel better about that. So when people are not concerned about going back to pre-pandemic life despite the wastewater clearly showing we're in another wave, I am concerned. I feel there is high risk and the benefits people list seem like shit, specifically for work. I've heard we should go back to the office because "I liked my morning run on the way to the office" (from upper management), "real estate prices will go down if we don't use the office" (upper management), and "I like eating food someone else cooked".

Oh, and for the office masks aren't required unless you're in a hallway or elevator. Because after 2+ years we're all pretending that it's droplet and not airborne. Fun times. It's honestly stressing me out so much thinking about going back to the office. And I'm not even going back until like end of August or September! sigh I think that they'll roll back the plans anyways since we'll be in another wave. Again. And again. Every season there will be a wave because this keeps on getting easier to transmit and people keep on removing the protections we know work. I get less done at the office. It can be a source of COVID. Laura suggested that I will need to mentally re-frame how I think about the office but I don't know if I can right now.

I just don't know if I can.

Am I overreacting about COVID?

I feel I am pretty cautious about COVID. As best as I can figure, I got it while masked at the mall for an hour. Which sucks.

I keep on reading about the long term effects. The long term damage. I worry about it waking up decades later and being an issue like HPV, chicken pox / shingles, or so many other viruses. Like the current theories linking MS, dementia, etc to viruses.

But day to day I feel like people are saying “it’s over” and “I’m not afraid”. I don’t feel like I’m afraid, I feel like I’m managing risk. People are like “let’s go back to the office because it’s not an issue if we are 6’ apart” which doesn’t match the current science at all. I’m frustrated and I start to feel like I’m going insane.

My boss unfortunately lost her husband to a sudden stroke. He was about 10 years older than me. Of course they had COVID recently but are they related? There is no way I am ever going to ask the question. Apparently my sister is dealing with long term brain fog. Why would I want to risk this short term risk when we have no idea about the long term effects. I’ve had shingles. It sucked. I don’t want to find out the cocktail of health issues happens with COVID.

Our provincial government is stupid and I don’t expect a more left party will be too much better. The health care system is in serious trouble and people just care that their luggage is taking a long time at the airport. By the time people realize that they need more nurses / doctors it will be 5-10 years behind. That’s not even accounting for whatever huge issues we will have to deal with due to climate change which is an even bigger issue people are ignoring.

When COVID started my smart coworkers thought we’d be away from the office 2-3 weeks. I said at least 18 months. I’m seeing everyone heading for a cliff and rather than trying to avoid it, I feel like people are steering towards it because that direction feels “more normal”.

I’m stressing out about the idea of going back to work in person and the social pressure to do things like eat together and generally take off masks. When people went to my bosses husband’s funeral, they took off their masks because no one else was wearing one. Currently stroke risk is doubled after COVID infection. I’m not sure if that’s what killed him, but dying mid 50’s sucks. I’d rather not do that. 

I feel like I’m going bonkers. And if I’m right, I’ll take no joy with “I told you so” because people I care about will suffer. I feel that there is no good outcome. It all sucks.

Longest time I've been away from my baby

 Today is the first day of a 2 week "stay away" camp for Alice. Only twice in her life have I been away from her for 2 nights in a row. This is the second time for Laura.

Alice will be fine. She's smart, funny, and will be fine. Will we though? I do miss her already and I know it's just the start. This is huge for a 10yo.

First evening date in over two years

 It's been a while. A long, long while, but we had Laura's folks babysit and we went to see a movie, in the evening. It was great. We had a great dinner on the patio. We watched Everything Everywhere All at Once.

It was glorious.

10 out of 10. Would date again.

Getting ready for the 6th wave

 It's bad to watch the news. It looks like we're about to start the 6th wave of COVID. The governments are starting to just ignore it and pretend that it's not there. They just lifted the mask mandates. It doesn't seem like it's going to end.

The climate forecast is even more panic educing.

And Russia is in Ukraine and people are talking about WW3.

So. That's what's happening internationally.

At home, we just came back from March break in Quebec City which was really nice. So nice to feel like doing "normal" things. We went sliding. We went and did tubing at a water park. Had the kids try downhill skiing for the first time. Generally a really positive time.

703 days

 It was 703 days since I had eaten inside anywhere with people outside our household since COVID started. We did it at a weird paintball / axe throwing / doughnut place in Brockville with Kerry.

So much anxiety for something simple. Everyone else has been eating inside this entire time. It was new to me. I'm going to have a hard time adjusting when things go back... it'll be a slow road.

I even went into a grocery store the other day. I don't think that I had done that for 3 years. Wild times.

Kids going back tomorrow

Today the kids were supposed to go back to school, but a major storm shut most things down. I think that the final count at the airport was 46cm which is pretty impressive. They mostly played outside today so I think that they had a good day.

Tomorrow is in person school.

Friday is a PD / PA day. So they only have 3 days of school this week. They are all double vaxxed now so in theory they are are protected as we can make them.

But I still worry. I worry about us all.

I hope that they are going to be okay. I hope that we are okay. I don't think that the government is going to do anything useful. Hopefully they can be safe.

But I worry.