I had COVID

I'm not sure I really documented it anywhere, but I had COVID. I'm not exactly sure how I got it. My best guess was while I was masked at a tween jewellery store. People weren't masked there, it was tight. At some point someone was coughing.

 

I was on 2 day of a migraine and took Alice for a ride and by the time I got to the Corktown bridge, I was tired. Really, really winded and tired. I didn't understand why. The next day I had the slightest feeling things were off so I took a RAT. I didn't think that there was a line, but Laura disagreed. She took me for a PCR to confirm what she thought - I had COVID. Alice didn't get it. Laura got herself and Isaac tested and they were okay. I did the isolation from them which was a bit hard for everyone. I didn't get too ill, but while I was sick I would so very easily get winded. Like, standing up to make coffee was too much. When I was on the mend I went for a outside walk with Laura and she told me a joke. I laughed and laughed... and then had to sit down on the curb for a while so I didn't pass out.

So, I seemed to have gotten COVID while masked (not with my best mask) in a mall for less than an hour. I've always felt like I am the weak one health wise. This doesn't make me feel better about that. So when people are not concerned about going back to pre-pandemic life despite the wastewater clearly showing we're in another wave, I am concerned. I feel there is high risk and the benefits people list seem like shit, specifically for work. I've heard we should go back to the office because "I liked my morning run on the way to the office" (from upper management), "real estate prices will go down if we don't use the office" (upper management), and "I like eating food someone else cooked".

Oh, and for the office masks aren't required unless you're in a hallway or elevator. Because after 2+ years we're all pretending that it's droplet and not airborne. Fun times. It's honestly stressing me out so much thinking about going back to the office. And I'm not even going back until like end of August or September! sigh I think that they'll roll back the plans anyways since we'll be in another wave. Again. And again. Every season there will be a wave because this keeps on getting easier to transmit and people keep on removing the protections we know work. I get less done at the office. It can be a source of COVID. Laura suggested that I will need to mentally re-frame how I think about the office but I don't know if I can right now.

I just don't know if I can.

Am I overreacting about COVID?

I feel I am pretty cautious about COVID. As best as I can figure, I got it while masked at the mall for an hour. Which sucks.

I keep on reading about the long term effects. The long term damage. I worry about it waking up decades later and being an issue like HPV, chicken pox / shingles, or so many other viruses. Like the current theories linking MS, dementia, etc to viruses.

But day to day I feel like people are saying “it’s over” and “I’m not afraid”. I don’t feel like I’m afraid, I feel like I’m managing risk. People are like “let’s go back to the office because it’s not an issue if we are 6’ apart” which doesn’t match the current science at all. I’m frustrated and I start to feel like I’m going insane.

My boss unfortunately lost her husband to a sudden stroke. He was about 10 years older than me. Of course they had COVID recently but are they related? There is no way I am ever going to ask the question. Apparently my sister is dealing with long term brain fog. Why would I want to risk this short term risk when we have no idea about the long term effects. I’ve had shingles. It sucked. I don’t want to find out the cocktail of health issues happens with COVID.

Our provincial government is stupid and I don’t expect a more left party will be too much better. The health care system is in serious trouble and people just care that their luggage is taking a long time at the airport. By the time people realize that they need more nurses / doctors it will be 5-10 years behind. That’s not even accounting for whatever huge issues we will have to deal with due to climate change which is an even bigger issue people are ignoring.

When COVID started my smart coworkers thought we’d be away from the office 2-3 weeks. I said at least 18 months. I’m seeing everyone heading for a cliff and rather than trying to avoid it, I feel like people are steering towards it because that direction feels “more normal”.

I’m stressing out about the idea of going back to work in person and the social pressure to do things like eat together and generally take off masks. When people went to my bosses husband’s funeral, they took off their masks because no one else was wearing one. Currently stroke risk is doubled after COVID infection. I’m not sure if that’s what killed him, but dying mid 50’s sucks. I’d rather not do that. 

I feel like I’m going bonkers. And if I’m right, I’ll take no joy with “I told you so” because people I care about will suffer. I feel that there is no good outcome. It all sucks.

Longest time I've been away from my baby

 Today is the first day of a 2 week "stay away" camp for Alice. Only twice in her life have I been away from her for 2 nights in a row. This is the second time for Laura.

Alice will be fine. She's smart, funny, and will be fine. Will we though? I do miss her already and I know it's just the start. This is huge for a 10yo.