Three Things

There are three things that I have learned thus far in my life:

1) I make a horrible passenger

2) I have trouble counting sometimes

Jim Time

Sometimes everyone needs some time alone. I appreciate that. I feel that I start to go a bit nuts if I don't have any "me" time. However, how I recharge might not be the same as someone else. For me I like to travel. I travel to different places, different times, different timelines. How do I do this you ask? Mostly by reading fiction. Sometimes it's by watching movies.

I may physically be in the same room as someone else, but I might really be far, far away (perhaps a long time ago). I enjoy reading. At this point I'm into a lot of short stories because it allows me to travel to many different places yet not commit to being in any world for too long.

The drawback is that I feel a bit antisocial by sitting there reading. It doesn't really stop me, but I still feel weird about it.

Grandma's stuff

This is another post sans-spell check. And with a headache for added... stuff...

My grandma has had a fall. And then another one that broke her hip. Her memory has been going downhill for a while. She's now in a home-place where she'll get more personal contact and someone else will take care of her meals. I don't know if it's really happy there. In some ways it's probably an even more reminder of the end of the line. Getting old sucks. But it's something that not everyone is able to do.

I have guilt about not seeing her more.

That should be easy to fix, yet somehow it feels difficult.

Her house is being sold. Of course there's not enough room at her new place for all her things, so the family is dividing up what's in the house and planning on selling the rest.

It feels so.... shitty. It's like she is dead and we're cleaning out her place. I don't know how to reconcil that.



As I get older, I think that I need to plan to have less and less things. Not including lego of course. Each year I can try to get rid of a percentage of stuff. 10%? 15%? As long as the things going out is greater than what's coming in, it should be okay. Eventually you can get down to just what can fit into a room and a closet. Realistically that's probably enough stuff for someone. And that way if when you need to move somewhere to get more care, all you need is a room. And another room for the lego of course.

Firsts for the third time

Well, it's cold out. Cold out at some point means beaver tails and ice. That's just how it works.

Mine mommy! Mine!

Now, this isn't Alice's first time at winterlude. I think that the first time we took her on the canal she was less than 2 months old. Now, we weren't skating, but she was on the canal.

Toddlers on ice

Now we can enjoy it as a family a bit more. Spend time, have fun. Enjoy some "hot toe toe" if the need strikes us. It may be cold outside, but I sure feel warm inside. (no, it's not a fever)

No spell check

I'm going to write this post without spell check. Why you ask? So that people can see just how badly I spell. So far I think that it's pretty good, but most words are in the range of 5 to 6.

Let's tell some stories.

As a kid I was always frustrated with spelling. Teachers response when you asked them to spell something was simply "look it up in the dictionary" or "sound it out". Since English isn't phonetic sounding it out doesn't work too well. Being able to look something up in a dictionary implies (to me) that you you already know how to spell it. It's like asking "how do I drive to Steve's house?" and being told "Just ask Steve. He's at his house.". Useless.

Aside: I think that I'm doing well so far.

I have a memory when I was in grade 3 (?) I had to ask my friend how to spell "car" because I had no idea. I could spell it yesterday. I'd be able to spell it tomorrow. It's just when I needed to spell it then, I couldn't. He laughed. He mocked. I was embarrased, but what can you do? My brain just was not cooperating with me right then.

Today at work I was having a conversation with a co-worker and talking about her kids having to learn spelling. She more or less said that if I have trouble with it, I just have to work a bit harder at it and then I'll figure it out. wtf. Does she not think that I've been working "a bit harder" at it for 30+ years? I write and write and write to practice my communication skills. It still feels like pushing water up hill. I think that I'm slowly making progress. The conversation felt like if you told someone that struggled with their weight all their life to just "stop being fat and you'll feel better".

How do I deal with it? I avoid problem words. Words like unfortunally and inconvience. I use google as a spell checker by putting my word into a sentence since (thank the FSM) it can figure out context. I ask my wife. I make jokes about it. I install spell check plugins before they are part of core systems. I have my tricks and work arounds. But that's what they are.

I just can't see spelling errors. For other people they stick out like a sore thumb. My brain glides over them. People who don't struggle can't fathom what it's like to struggle with an issue. Oh, they might have tons of other things they struggle with, but for some reason the brain doesn't understand that everyone has issues. Or maybe it's their heart that doesn't understand.

*sigh*

Optimizing for Different Thing

Today at work I had a discussion with a co-worker about how we're going to both take time off when our new little one comes along. It was confusing because mentally we were both trying to optimize for something totally different. Laura and I try to optimize for time off, ideally together as a family. My co-worker was trying to optimize for money. He didn't understand why I didn't pressure / encourage Laura to go back to work as soon as possible. The idea had never crossed my mind and just seemed so... foreign.

Some times I don't get people. After being able to pay for a roof over my head, food on the table and basic transportation, all the rest is gravy. (note: I'll admit we don't have "basic" home / food / transportation... we added some gravy). The only thing that is impossible to buy is time. Time to go back, do it again, play with your kids, etc.

When I hear someone say "I need a fast internet connection." No, that's a want. Very different. Do you need a super fast connection so 4 different people in your home can watch netflix at the same time? Pah. Maybe rationalizing it as a need makes it feel that it justifies the cost. But it's important to separate the two and know which is which.

It just boggles my mind that people aren't trying to maximize how much time they can spend with their family. Those moments are all we have. In the end they will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Sick - Day 8

Ugg. Day 8 of being sick. I must say, not a fan.

What uplifting and life lesson can we take from this? It's simple: don't get sick.

It's almost 10 pm. That's like.... 2 hours past my bedtime.

Below are the people that I want to be well for.