Things are good. Kids are super cute. Lucy is saying more and more "words" all the time. I want to document them but by the evenings I'm just... done. So done. Zero energy. Kind of thing that I'm too tired to watch a show, too awake to sleep, ...
Things will get less sleepy in the future. I'll make more sense. Write more worth reading.
Just not yet. Not yet.
Monday, 4 December 2017
Tuesday, 17 October 2017
Stroke
Yesterday Laura's mom had a stroke. This is completely out of the blue and just... weird. This is not something that anyone expected. It sounds like she'll be okay. It's scary though.
I've been thinking about her a lot today. I'm worried.
I've been thinking about her a lot today. I'm worried.
Friday, 6 October 2017
A hard time saying goodbye
Isaac is having a hard time with Great Grandma being gone. He'll ask his cousins if they miss great grandma, and when they say yes he'll say in the saddest voice "I miss great grandma too".
The other day he asked to see GG and I told him no, she died. She was gone. He asked if she went far away. I asked him if it would help to think that she was far away. Again, in the saddest voice he says "no, not really".
Every time my eyes well up as my heart breaks a little bit more.
Tonight he asked to go back to where we interred GG's ashes soon. We asked why (since it's a 4+ hour drive away) and he said so we can see if GG is alive again.
It's a lot for a 3.5 year old.
He's got a lot of questions, and they seem to pop up randomly. I'm not sure if he's thinking about it even more than he's saying. It's going to take a while I think.
The other day he asked to see GG and I told him no, she died. She was gone. He asked if she went far away. I asked him if it would help to think that she was far away. Again, in the saddest voice he says "no, not really".
Every time my eyes well up as my heart breaks a little bit more.
Tonight he asked to go back to where we interred GG's ashes soon. We asked why (since it's a 4+ hour drive away) and he said so we can see if GG is alive again.
It's a lot for a 3.5 year old.
He's got a lot of questions, and they seem to pop up randomly. I'm not sure if he's thinking about it even more than he's saying. It's going to take a while I think.
Friday, 1 September 2017
It's hard to be creative
The "kids" have not blogged in quite a while. I feel bad about it, but I'm not really fixing it. At the end of the days when the kids are in bed is when I've got time to actually sit down and write things out, but I just don't have the energy or focus to "tell a story". I can brain dump (like this), but to weave a narrative is simply out of reach.
I feel broken most of the time.
I think that it's the poor sleeping.
But there are so many things that I want to write down. Things that the kids say and do. Things that I sadly know that I will forget, if for a time until I come across a picture, video, or blog post. Then I'll go "Oh yaaaa... I forgot they did that."
Alice
I feel broken most of the time.
I think that it's the poor sleeping.
But there are so many things that I want to write down. Things that the kids say and do. Things that I sadly know that I will forget, if for a time until I come across a picture, video, or blog post. Then I'll go "Oh yaaaa... I forgot they did that."
Alice
- How she's so damn clever and figures out 8 steps ahead when I've only mentioned that there are 2
- How proud she is of riding a two wheeler
- How much she conspires with the boy next door to get into trouble
- How she asks to do "na na na" dancing but she's just too heavy for me to hold her with one arm and it breaks my heart each time I say no
- How she's looking forward to going into grade 1 and how she's been working so well at her feelings
- How much she loves her siblings
- How quickly he seems to pick up every sport
- How he still won't dress himself
- How he'll ask "Who made dinner?" and when told will turn to that person and say "Oh thank you for for making such a nice dinner!" and then promptly not eat any of it
- How he still doesn't sleep, but he's a snuggler
- How he will do almost anything his sister asks as long as he's not under duress
- How everything is a sword or gun. Sometimes both
- How fast he is on his BB8 bike (with training wheels)
- How he still can't eat many textures and ends up spitting them out
- How much he loves his siblings
- How she can sign things like "more", "all done", and "milk"
- How (I swear) she says "tank koo" to me
- How she won't fall asleep in her crib, I have to cuddle her to sleep
- How she won't stand or crawl, but bum scoots around
- How she doesn't like soft toys, only hard toys / books. Will fall asleep clutching them
- How she doesn't want to be held, but if I'm on the ground she'll scoot over and try to get into my lap by putting feet first and pulling herself in
- How she does the eye bat, head tilt smile like Alice did and it's so damn cute
- How much she loves her siblings
Thursday, 17 August 2017
Goodbye Grandma S
Grandma died August 9th, 2017.
I want to put down my thoughts, but I feel that I'll do a poor job. I'm going to try anyways.
From June to August Grandma changed quite a bit. All five of us visited her on the 2nd. She didn't look the same, she was hardly there physically and could barely speak. But she would smile, and make faces at the kids and wink. She let Lucy play with her hands. Isaac was asleep for most of our visit, but when we asked if Grandma's boys turned everything into a weapon when they were little she made a exaggerated face and said "Oh no! Are you crazy?!?". She said that her kids never did that. She wanted our kids close to her.
That was how Grandma was at the end. In pain, drifting in and out of sleep, but still wanted to play with the kids and have them show her their toys.
Grandma was always interested in kids but I never truly noticed until I had some of my own. She would play games or wink at them over some shared secret. When she needed the help of a walker, she would insist on giving the kids a ride to their glee and my worry. This was always a highlight of their visit with Great Grandma.
I have spent many an hour playing hands of Skip-Bo with Grandma. She would bring our her fitted custom-made felt table cloth to cover the glass table. I assume that she would do this so we wouldn't notice when she was hiding cards in her lap.
If you would purposely do something that would block her next turn, she might lightheartedly say "Back of me hand to you!" or shake her head and say "Born to aggravate. Born to aggravate people!". After a while it motivated me to make moves that would get that reaction, so I guess Grandma was right.
Grandma always seemed to keep herself busy, especially after that shitty week in 1989 where she lost both her husband and father. After that for years, she would usually buy a big ticket item around that time. Sometimes a washer / dryer, sometimes a ring. Just something to distract herself. She took up all these different crafts. Painting on canvas. Silk painting - she made beautiful scarves. Cutting pictures in layers to generate depth. Macrame of lawn chairs. She did beautiful work on whatever she did. She probably learned a dozen other types of crafts that I don't even recall.
For family gatherings there would often be special foods. Homemade pickled beets. Trifle. Shortbread in white and pastel pinks and greens in little rectangles and circles. Little mincemeat tarts, usually served warm.
At Christmas time things would be tastefully decorated. She would have this little green porcelain or ceramic tree with these little plastic "lights" in it that reflected the light from a bulb inside. After Christmas everything would be packed up and put away for a year.
Growing up, when visiting Grandma's house everything would be perfectly clear and orderly. Even the basement. She'd offer us pop - pepsi in this case in funny little cans they had in the 80's. We'd play a homemade nail and ball bearing game that was like pinball but without the paddles. It really is a wonderful game that someone built. I'm not sure if it was my grandfather or great-grandfather.
Goodbye Grandma. I'll miss you.
I want to put down my thoughts, but I feel that I'll do a poor job. I'm going to try anyways.
From June to August Grandma changed quite a bit. All five of us visited her on the 2nd. She didn't look the same, she was hardly there physically and could barely speak. But she would smile, and make faces at the kids and wink. She let Lucy play with her hands. Isaac was asleep for most of our visit, but when we asked if Grandma's boys turned everything into a weapon when they were little she made a exaggerated face and said "Oh no! Are you crazy?!?". She said that her kids never did that. She wanted our kids close to her.
That was how Grandma was at the end. In pain, drifting in and out of sleep, but still wanted to play with the kids and have them show her their toys.
Grandma was always interested in kids but I never truly noticed until I had some of my own. She would play games or wink at them over some shared secret. When she needed the help of a walker, she would insist on giving the kids a ride to their glee and my worry. This was always a highlight of their visit with Great Grandma.
 |
| Alice was always willing to accept a ride |
 |
| Two kids, miraculously not fighting |
I have spent many an hour playing hands of Skip-Bo with Grandma. She would bring our her fitted custom-made felt table cloth to cover the glass table. I assume that she would do this so we wouldn't notice when she was hiding cards in her lap.
If you would purposely do something that would block her next turn, she might lightheartedly say "Back of me hand to you!" or shake her head and say "Born to aggravate. Born to aggravate people!". After a while it motivated me to make moves that would get that reaction, so I guess Grandma was right.
 |
| Grandma and Lucy |
Grandma always seemed to keep herself busy, especially after that shitty week in 1989 where she lost both her husband and father. After that for years, she would usually buy a big ticket item around that time. Sometimes a washer / dryer, sometimes a ring. Just something to distract herself. She took up all these different crafts. Painting on canvas. Silk painting - she made beautiful scarves. Cutting pictures in layers to generate depth. Macrame of lawn chairs. She did beautiful work on whatever she did. She probably learned a dozen other types of crafts that I don't even recall.
For family gatherings there would often be special foods. Homemade pickled beets. Trifle. Shortbread in white and pastel pinks and greens in little rectangles and circles. Little mincemeat tarts, usually served warm.
At Christmas time things would be tastefully decorated. She would have this little green porcelain or ceramic tree with these little plastic "lights" in it that reflected the light from a bulb inside. After Christmas everything would be packed up and put away for a year.
Growing up, when visiting Grandma's house everything would be perfectly clear and orderly. Even the basement. She'd offer us pop - pepsi in this case in funny little cans they had in the 80's. We'd play a homemade nail and ball bearing game that was like pinball but without the paddles. It really is a wonderful game that someone built. I'm not sure if it was my grandfather or great-grandfather.
 |
| Me, my brothers, 2 cousins, and our grandparents in 1984 |
Goodbye Grandma. I'll miss you.
Tuesday, 8 August 2017
She's a sailor now
(Rewriting this post since the software lost it)
We are at the cottage now and the weather has improved. We had purchased a kids size sit on top kayak and I honestly expected that only Isaac would use it starting maybe next year. Well, last evening Alice went out and she did an amazing job. She just got it and was moving all around. I was surprised and quite proud of her.
Isaac has been avoiding the water since it's been so cold, but Laura was able to get him in today and he was doing a great job in just floaties. Swimming around and having fun.
Lucy also did great today - it was her first in a kayak. She must have found it relaxing because she fell asleep after a short while.
Another funny thing was Alice sitting in a lawn chair and it falling over backwards with her in it. She said "this didn't end well". Too funny.
At one point I needed a rinse so I told Alice I was going to "look for fishies". This is code for an adult to stand at the end of the dock, bent over and staring at the water to allow young kids to push them in. Alice was pretty excited.
So I go to the dock, stare at the water, then splash! I'm in the water. Alice tells me while I was looking a big wave came along and knocked me in. I got out and we made a big show looking for rogue waves, then when it was safe I went to look for fish. Well, wouldn't you know it but I was pushed in with a splash! I come up and Alice is sitting 10' from the end of the dock. She explains that a big fish jumped and smacked me into the water. I got out and we made a big show of looking for rogue waves AND fish. When it was safe, I leaned over the end of the dock to look for fish and splash! The instant I'm up I look for Alice but she sitting 10' away again and couldn't have possibly have pushed me in (she insisted on the part). I had enough of rogue waves 🌊, fish 🐟, and ducks 🦆, so I went for a shower 🚿.
I've been having a good day.
We are at the cottage now and the weather has improved. We had purchased a kids size sit on top kayak and I honestly expected that only Isaac would use it starting maybe next year. Well, last evening Alice went out and she did an amazing job. She just got it and was moving all around. I was surprised and quite proud of her.
Isaac has been avoiding the water since it's been so cold, but Laura was able to get him in today and he was doing a great job in just floaties. Swimming around and having fun.
Lucy also did great today - it was her first in a kayak. She must have found it relaxing because she fell asleep after a short while.
Another funny thing was Alice sitting in a lawn chair and it falling over backwards with her in it. She said "this didn't end well". Too funny.
At one point I needed a rinse so I told Alice I was going to "look for fishies". This is code for an adult to stand at the end of the dock, bent over and staring at the water to allow young kids to push them in. Alice was pretty excited.
So I go to the dock, stare at the water, then splash! I'm in the water. Alice tells me while I was looking a big wave came along and knocked me in. I got out and we made a big show looking for rogue waves, then when it was safe I went to look for fish. Well, wouldn't you know it but I was pushed in with a splash! I come up and Alice is sitting 10' from the end of the dock. She explains that a big fish jumped and smacked me into the water. I got out and we made a big show of looking for rogue waves AND fish. When it was safe, I leaned over the end of the dock to look for fish and splash! The instant I'm up I look for Alice but she sitting 10' away again and couldn't have possibly have pushed me in (she insisted on the part). I had enough of rogue waves 🌊, fish 🐟, and ducks 🦆, so I went for a shower 🚿.
I've been having a good day.
Monday, 24 July 2017
My welcome greeting
Today I walked through the door and greeted everyone that I could see. The ikea circus tent was close to the door and started to shake / move. Little by little a Lucy popped out from behind or in it, drawn by the sound of my voice. When she saw me she gave me a huge, warm smile.
Today was a good day.
Today was a good day.
 |
| Spending time with your siblings can be quite... in-tents. :-D |
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