How do you describe someone that you are living with? It's more than a girlfriend / boyfriend, but not a formal marriage. The term that I have heard used lately is partner. I've even heard someone refer to his wife as "my partner". Know what? I really like that term. I think that it's a good umbrella phrase for many different types of relationships while still being descriptive.
There's probably no good term for this kind of relationship, because it's actually pretty new. It's only in the last 50-100 years (maybe less) that people have been living together without being married. It's been even less time that it's been accepted by society, and some taboo thing done only by sinners. Very recently, people who lived together without being married, were said to be living in sin. I don't really like the term partner. Girl/Boy friend is better. I find this has the most positive conotation associated with it. Partner sounds too dull and sterile.
ReplyDeleteJim,
ReplyDeleteIs Kibbee calling you dull and sterile?
I think that boy / girl friend sounds too temporary, like you are just dating the person for a short time. I don't feel that it shows a commitment for a long term relationship.
ReplyDeleteI also like the term partner in that it works for same sex and opposite couples better... It's a gender neutral term.
I'm using partner as in "life partner"
hahaha... maybe he is. I'm not going to demo either to him though. :-P
ReplyDeleteIf you go around telling people that you liv with your "partner", with no further explanation, people will start to think that you are gay... especially with that haircut. Just a warning.
ReplyDeleteGirl/Boy friend works just as well for gay people as it does for straight people. I do see the problem with it souding a little temporary. I guess that depends on your point of view, and the kind of relationships you are used to being in. If you view a girl/boy friend as something just temporary, then you might see it this way. However if you are hoping that the relationship you are in will go further, then you probably won't be thinking of it as just a temporary thing.
ReplyDeleteI think he means that boy/girl friend sounds too temporary, socially, not personally.
ReplyDelete"If you go around telling people that you liv with your "partner", with no further explanation, people will start to think that you are gay"
ReplyDelete...hmmm... would that be the end of the world? I don't think that anyone should have to worry about justifying who their partner is to others.
Exactly. I just couldn't figure out how to write it. :-D
ReplyDeleteIt's fine whathever you're using, but I use term girlfriend just to let people with "partners" know that I am not that kind of person.
ReplyDeleteJust kidding, Jim will understand.
It's fine whathever you are, I've got no problem with that. I would probably say that using partner would be better between the two of you, rather than telling people "My partner and I went for a romantic vacation". It is just more confusing.
Wouldn't it be better when talking to groups of people to say something like "this is my partner" or "this is Jim's partner"? Nice and gender neutral so you don't have to have one introduction for your straight friends and another for your gay friends...
ReplyDeleteBetter "This is Frank's partner" than "This is Frank's gay lover".
;-)
Wouldn't it just be ok to say, "This is Franks Boyfriend". You only have to drop gender specific stuff when you aren't referring to the specific. If you are referring to a specific person, what's the point of making it gender neutral?
ReplyDelete...or you could just be single. I find that's much easier. :P
ReplyDeleteYes, staying single would make this moot. :-P
ReplyDeleteKibbee: why say "partner" instead of "boyfriend"? Well, it gets back to my original point of using a word that is *more* than boy / girl friend.
Look at that! We've come full circle in 14 comments. ;-)
"...hmmm... would that be the end of the world? I don't think that anyone should have to worry about justifying who their partner is to others."
ReplyDeleteIt wouldn't be Armageddon, no. Halfly, i was just joking, and, halfly, i was pointing out that it is misguiding to use a word that is commonly used to imply something that you are not. Of course, the intellectual dull of most people cannot be blamed on him (common use != proper use, necessarily).
And, isn't the point of this whole thread about justifying who ones partner is to others, in terms of which level their relationship is at? I thought so.
Here's my view though: Sexual/intimate relationships fall into 2 categories: the unified and the non-unified. Marriages (common-law included, for the most part) are the only type that fall into the unified category, because the spouses are unified by law, and share all assets and liabilities. For this category, we refer to our relative as wife or husband.
All other types of relationships fall into the non-unified category. For this category, we refer to our relative as girlfriend or boyfriend.
Jim suggested that "partner" is a good term to use to describe a relative in a sexual/intimate relationship, because, indeed, it can easily refer to relatives in either a unified or non-unified relationship. I completely agree with his assertion. He also asked what he should call his liv-in girlfriend. Well, boy/girlfriend is the umbrella term for a non-unified relationship, so there's his starting point. He can add adjectives like "liv-in", if he wants to, but using a term like "partner" is unnecessarily general, and does nothing to indicate that you liv with the person. If you are looking to specify something, you need to get more specific, not more general.
I think one of the goals of using the term "partner" is to prevent assumption-making and encourage acceptance. Give the heterosexist challenge (below) a try... Some good questions worth pondering.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amsa.org/advocacy/lgbtpm/challenge.cfm