Emergency Codes

When working with "situations" with babies it's good to standardize on codes so you can quickly and efficiently explain the situation. These are the ones that we use:


Code Red: The colour the child turned while pooping.

Code Blue: Poop "blew" out both leg holes and the waste band. There is poop from the armpits down. It's bath time.

Code Pink: The colour of the baby's bum because they've been pooping every 8 to 14 minutes. Causes baby rage which means flailing limbs and projectile poop during changing. Time to wash the walls.

Code White: The child is in a white hot rage because of a diaper issue and you're stuck in stop and go traffic and there's no where to pull off.

Code Yellow: The baby soaked your pants as well as their own.

Code Brown: Self explanatory. It's brown. And everywhere. Hazardous Spill - same as at the hospital.

Code Green: Due to the smell, the colour you turn while you try to change the diaper.

Code Orange: Orange you glad you didn't have triplets? (you might have to read this one aloud)

Code Black: Your mood when dealing with a Code Brown while on a trip in the middle of nowhere and you discover you only have 1 wipe left. It was your responsibility to refill the travel wipes. You start to contemplate cleaning up by using your favourite shirt, which you're wearing.

Code Purple: The colour the baby turns right before a Code Blue.

As a former make believe doctor

I love that old spice commercial with NPH coming out as a "former make believe doctor". Too funny. But it reminds me of what I am former make believe of: patients. I've pretended to be lots of different patients. Old, young, male, female, alcoholic, crazy (that's the technical term), walking heart attacks waiting to happen, or even a good 'ol fashioned depressed patient. I selflessly did this in the name of helping friends and family practice for exams. I subjected myself the one of the most horrible physical examinations that can take place: having bright lights shined (shawned?) into my eyes. I even tried not to cry. It never worked.

I found the whole process very interesting because health care workers need to, in a very few questions, get down to the issue. Even when some of the answers provided are false. Seen from a computer science perspective it was fascinating.

The thing that all those health care workers didn't realize is that I've learned the code. The secret handshake. The riddle. I know which questions and what answers lead very quickly to which conclusions. I am not a dancer, but I know your dance.

This thought popped into my head last week when I saw more health care workers than I had planned and I was probed. With questions... clearly with questions. As I heard the questions I could tick off the solutions that they were trying to eliminate. It's sort of funny when you hear someone ask if it's Tuesday and you think "Ah. They are trying to check if we're in Belgium. Clever."

I promise to use these powers for good. For now...

One small step...

It didn't take much. On the 5th Alice took her first unassisted steps. I think that it was 3 steps. On the 14th she was up to 5 steps. Days after that I stopped counting because she was crossing the room without trouble. She still looks a bit like Frankenbaby with how stiff her legs are, but I think that's more of a confidence thing than anything else. She's fast, especially when she reverts to crawling or cruising - like almost at a baby run. The "new normal" keeps on changing. I'm enjoying this time right now. How she grabs me and holds on, how she can ask for what she wants in her baby voice. How we can play and be silly. It's quite excellent.

I have to admit that a couple of years ago I didn't think that it would be like this. I thought that I'd be exhausted more than I am. I thought that I'd be struggling and being more of a screwup than I feel that I am right now. It's going much better than I had hoped. But that's all on Alice. I feel that she's been super easy on us. She (mostly) sleeps through the night. She mostly eats most of the food we serve her. She mostly does what we ask (within reason for a 14 month old). It's been good.

Now don't get me wrong - I can't wait till I'm not changing diapers, but that's a long ways off now. Feels like 500 km walk to get to that point. But that journey starts with a single step. Perhaps 3.

It all sounds the same

First off, I'm trying out making a post on my phone while traveling by bus. Might not be up to my usual "quality"

It's great that Alice is using all kinds of words, but the problem is that they fit I to a couple of sounds no matter what she's talking about. It's either a "bah" which can be bread, ball, block, or something else. Then there is the 2 beat sound like "da ta". It's very confusing. The part that amuses me though is if you tell her that you don't understand, she repeats the exact sound but slower and louder. I think that she thinks we are dense.

2 hour meals

Not too long ago we'd sometimes enjoy a 2 hour meal. It would start with some antipasto. Maybe have some kind of salad or similar. Then a main, probably fish or steak. Wine. Lots of wine. Then some tasty dessert. A leisurely pace.

Now we can have a 2 hour and it can feel rushed. Get the child seated. Start with something that she'll eat because she's hungry, not because she really likes it. Keep on switching foods as each one runs out or falls out of favour. Perhaps there is a peek-a-boo game in there. Try something new while occasionally being yelled "BAH! BAH!" (bread) at. I think that she can eat her weight during a meal, but she seems to poop out as much at the same time. That part is actually sort of frightening. And then when you look at the clock, it's somehow hours later. Governments have risen and fallen. Small eco systems have risen up, produced a mini civilization, and fallen, as most civilizations do. During this time we've tried to scarf down our meal as fast as possible because so much time is devoted to cooking or heating the food, cutting it into tiny pieces, and then slowly doling it out so the munchkin doesn't choke herself that it doesn't feel we have enough time.

We will have 2 hour meals again like we used to. Just not anytime soon. This the new normal.

Husband Points

Noun
/ˈhəzbənd points/

A quantitative way of tallying good deeds and thoughtful actions in a marriage. Non-transferable, but may be redeemed for lego, coffee, or beer. In some cases may be used to "buy back" debit caused by stupid actions. Only a certain amount will carry over from one calendar year to another.