10 year anniversary

It's not quite 10 years, just a couple of months. We decided to go for a winter trip and we wanted "easy" so we choose Disney World. When booking they asked if it was a special occasion and I said no. Later Laura pointed out about the whole anniversary thing. Yes, sure, that's why we are here. How better to spoil yourselves as a couple than taking 3 kids 5 and under to Disney. Or as Laura pointed out, a good way to end a marriage.

If we make it through this, then I think we can make it through anything.

The kids don't sleep. Neither do we. They have total meltdowns. They have accidents. They become super over stimulated and tired. They refuse to meet someone they've been waiting 15+ minutes to meet.

They are having an awesome time. They are excited. The look of wonder on Isaac's face at meeting each character is awesome, as is his lipstick covered face afterwards. Alice's face totally lit up as she runs to my arms to tell me about the ride I missed due to sleeping kids (Epcot's Filament or Figment or somebody).

Short story: the kids are good, we're good, and there is coffee and beer. All important things.

Backup anxiety

Currently I'm trying to back up some photos / videos off my phone before we go on our trip. I'm stressing that I don't have enough backups or in enough places.

Currently I've got most of the pictures on my laptop. Which is backed up automatically using timemachine. But then I copy the files to the NAS, which is mirrored nightly to another drive. I also have 2 drives in a fireproof (fire resistant?) box that I backup files to every once and a while. Then I also upload them to flickr / youtube. Oh, and some good ones are in an offline digital picture frame (low quality).

So, that's like 6 different drives and a cloud service. And I don't feel that it's in enough places.

This drives me nuts. I don't think that our parents ever felt this. They keep photos in a box in the basement.

Is it just because I know that it's "easy" to backup them up to multiple places that it stresses me out? Should I just be saying "screw it" and paying for a cloud service and trusting that the other service will take care of it?

Blarg.

Hopefully in a future version of the desktop software, it can de-dup the whole network and put all the media together in a nice way.

Always go to bed leaving a good post

In that frame of mind, here are some pictures.

Some days I feel that we're all going downhill

A wonderful smile. And Isaac has one too

Everyone watches Mr. Dressup.

I sure love cookies. Or I will when I can eat them. Which I will. They will be mine, all mine!

Family of five enjoying a cool walk to a sliding hill.

Parenting is hard

It's been hard for the last 5 years. I don't expect it to get super easy in the next 5. Maybe just different. Maybe we'll start to get more sleep and won't repeat ourselves so much because of our inability to make memories.

I gave Alice a shower tonight where she screamed and fought and did everything that she could to fight me on her getting clean. Why did she do this? Well, she ignored Laura's repeated prompts to go to the shower, Lucy needed to nurse, so I had to step in. She screamed and screamed because it was me. The worst part is that I don't think that she really cares. I think that she's just trying to create some control over what's happening and the lack of that control is driving her nuts.

I feel like a shitty parent and shitty person.

It was like -20C out today and I drove Isaac to soccer class. Since you aren't supposed to have a coat that compresses we have a "car coat" for him. I feel like a shitty parent for having him in a coat that's totally not suitable for the cold. I try to double coat him, but I feel like I'm failing him if he's not in the warmest thing I can put him in. And I feel like I'm failing him if I'm not making him as safe as possible in the car.

And then there's the shitty traffic and the way people are driving shittly. Shit. Shitty shit shit. How can I keep my kids safe when the dumbasses around me are doing dumb stuff. I can only guard against so much.

But do you know what would solve that problem? Self driving cars. Boom. I had to add that so when Laura reads this she'll roll her eyes.

I generally had a good day with everyone. It just sucks when it ends with so much screaming. And not the good kind.

A love letter

My dearest Laura,

It's been seconds since we last spoke. I can almost see you sitting on the couch before me if only I would look up from the computer. We talked at length yesterday about how it was nice that people would send love letters to each other and how that's a lost art. I understand your feeling. I think that the nostalgia is for the time that people would take to compose those letters and the feelings that they would send, rather than the medium that they used.

This is the medium that I use.

It's been a difficult five years. I lament how we would do things like... eat hot meals, walk for the sake of the walk, and not have to clean poop off anyone else's bum. Those were simpler times when we thought that we were busy, and sleep deprived if we missed a night or two in a row. I feel the damage from the lack of sleep may be permanent.

I can picture us then. We were us, but I actually like the us we have now. We're different but the same. Some things are newer, like how you always complete my sandwiches. Other things are the same like how you make my heart skip a beat when I see you. (Note: I should see someone about my chronic premature ventricular contractions.)

I hope that this blog post finds you well. I hope that one day we can hold each other and sleep in to 8 am. I hope that despite the medium, that you will still value this letter.

I love you most,
Your Fuzzy Jim

Fiction: A Knights Tale

The knight approached the castle through the underbrush warily. It had taken him weeks to find the location. The locals weren't any help. Some quietly discouraged him from going, others seemed far too excited that he was going to rescue the beautiful princess that was said to be there guarded by a dragon.

There's always a dragon, isn't there.

He continued his approach through the remains of forests and horses bones burnt long ago. A sure sign that there actually is a dragon. Darting to walls, building, he stole his way into the castle grounds as quietly as he could imagine in his shiny armour. He began to climb the tallest tower to where the beautiful princess would surely be. In the room at the very top he heard quiet singing coming from inside. Cautiously he poked his head into the room and saw a woman knitting a sweater. He quickly walked in and addressed her.

"Hello princess. I'm here to rescue you."
She looked up happily relieved. "Oh, it's been so long since anyone has tried! I was beginning to get worried. Come with me, I know a route but I can't do it alone."

The knight grasped the princesses hand and led her out of the room and to safety. It was a bit difficult to lead someone when that person was the only one that knows which way to go. However appearances of knightyness had to be maintained.

As they passed by a door, the princess stopped and opened it to the darkness beyond.
"Quickly inside!" the princess urged.
The knight stepped in and as he was about to turn around and tell the princess that it was safe, the door slammed and bolted shut.
"Wait, why did you close the door? I'm here to rescue you!"
"Why do you think that I need to be rescued?"
"The dragon! It's been keeping you prisoner."
"Ah, you have that backwards. I've been keeping the dragon as my pet."
"But why all the stories about princess needing to be rescued?"
"It's very easy to believe, isn't it? I've not corrected it for a simple reason. A pet's got to eat and there aren't many horses around here anymore."

The knight slowly backed away from the door. He felt cold as a warm breath that smelled of brimstone blew on him.

He drew his sword and faced the darkness.

Fiction: Restore Point

"Hello. Can you hear me?"
"Uhh... I think so. Where am I?"

"Where do you think that you are?"
"It... it looks like my living room. What.. when is it? How did I get here? Where is everyone? Where are you? It sounds like your voice is coming from everywhere."

"Don't worry about that now. We'll explain shortly. How are you feeling?"
"Confused mostly."

"That's normal. What do you remember?"
"I... I remember snippets of things. Mostly things like birthdays, events. Mostly pictures. Not... smells. Wind. I have gaps."

"That's totally expected. How do you think you got here?"
"I'm not sure. The voice thing is really weird though. It sounds crazy to ask a voice that I'm hearing, but am I crazy?"

"No. You're not crazy."
"A voice is my head would say that, wouldn't you. Well, am I dead then?"

"Yes, but not in the way you think."
"Well that's mysterious. What to explain?"

"You died, long ago. But you left digital footprints. Blog posts. Social media rants. Photos, videos, GPS info, calendars, emails, 3d captures, etc."
"3d captures? I don't remember those."

"No, you wouldn't. We didn't restore you to that part if your lifeline."
"Okay. So you... rebuilt me from digital footprints. But I'm guessing that I'm not really alive. That I'm not really here."

"Yes, you're a simulation."
"Okay. And I'm so calm about all this because you've made me so that I'm calm about this, correct? No need to try to talk to someone screaming and trying to claw out their eyes."

"Yes. This is... standard practice for sim's. They feel less distressed."
"Thank you for that. I guess. What happened to my family? Were they okay?"

"They lived, they grew, they died. As you did. But you don't need to worry. They turned out alright."
"Thank you. So, you're created a 'sim' of me, long after I've died. Why?"

"We are anthropologists. We've found that this is a useful tool to study past civilizations. It's a technique that only works back to the digital age, obviously."
"Obviously. So what happens now? We just talk and then I die?"

"Not like that. We can talk. We can pause at any point, literally. Time will cease for you. We can come back and un-pause you. If you need a break from questions to go for a walk, or do anything else, you can. We can even arrange it so that you can meet other sim's from the same time. We don't want to muddy the waters with you talking to too many ones though. If you want to eat, you can do that. It's not necessary, but some sim's find it helpful to feel like themselves."
"So I've got all the time that you want to give me, to do all the things that I can think of. Probably travel to anywhere, instantaneously? Have super powers? Not get hurt?"

"Yes. It will be like you're a god."
"A lonely god. A lesser god."

"Yes."
"Well then. You may address me as Jim The Lesser God, or ... JTL."

"How about just 'Jim'?"
"That would probably be best."

"So..."
"So, let's start on your questions."