Things are good. Kids are super cute. Lucy is saying more and more "words" all the time. I want to document them but by the evenings I'm just... done. So done. Zero energy. Kind of thing that I'm too tired to watch a show, too awake to sleep, ...
Things will get less sleepy in the future. I'll make more sense. Write more worth reading.
Just not yet. Not yet.
Monday, 4 December 2017
Tuesday, 17 October 2017
Stroke
Yesterday Laura's mom had a stroke. This is completely out of the blue and just... weird. This is not something that anyone expected. It sounds like she'll be okay. It's scary though.
I've been thinking about her a lot today. I'm worried.
I've been thinking about her a lot today. I'm worried.
Friday, 6 October 2017
A hard time saying goodbye
Isaac is having a hard time with Great Grandma being gone. He'll ask his cousins if they miss great grandma, and when they say yes he'll say in the saddest voice "I miss great grandma too".
The other day he asked to see GG and I told him no, she died. She was gone. He asked if she went far away. I asked him if it would help to think that she was far away. Again, in the saddest voice he says "no, not really".
Every time my eyes well up as my heart breaks a little bit more.
Tonight he asked to go back to where we interred GG's ashes soon. We asked why (since it's a 4+ hour drive away) and he said so we can see if GG is alive again.
It's a lot for a 3.5 year old.
He's got a lot of questions, and they seem to pop up randomly. I'm not sure if he's thinking about it even more than he's saying. It's going to take a while I think.
The other day he asked to see GG and I told him no, she died. She was gone. He asked if she went far away. I asked him if it would help to think that she was far away. Again, in the saddest voice he says "no, not really".
Every time my eyes well up as my heart breaks a little bit more.
Tonight he asked to go back to where we interred GG's ashes soon. We asked why (since it's a 4+ hour drive away) and he said so we can see if GG is alive again.
It's a lot for a 3.5 year old.
He's got a lot of questions, and they seem to pop up randomly. I'm not sure if he's thinking about it even more than he's saying. It's going to take a while I think.
Friday, 1 September 2017
It's hard to be creative
The "kids" have not blogged in quite a while. I feel bad about it, but I'm not really fixing it. At the end of the days when the kids are in bed is when I've got time to actually sit down and write things out, but I just don't have the energy or focus to "tell a story". I can brain dump (like this), but to weave a narrative is simply out of reach.
I feel broken most of the time.
I think that it's the poor sleeping.
But there are so many things that I want to write down. Things that the kids say and do. Things that I sadly know that I will forget, if for a time until I come across a picture, video, or blog post. Then I'll go "Oh yaaaa... I forgot they did that."
Alice
I feel broken most of the time.
I think that it's the poor sleeping.
But there are so many things that I want to write down. Things that the kids say and do. Things that I sadly know that I will forget, if for a time until I come across a picture, video, or blog post. Then I'll go "Oh yaaaa... I forgot they did that."
Alice
- How she's so damn clever and figures out 8 steps ahead when I've only mentioned that there are 2
- How proud she is of riding a two wheeler
- How much she conspires with the boy next door to get into trouble
- How she asks to do "na na na" dancing but she's just too heavy for me to hold her with one arm and it breaks my heart each time I say no
- How she's looking forward to going into grade 1 and how she's been working so well at her feelings
- How much she loves her siblings
- How quickly he seems to pick up every sport
- How he still won't dress himself
- How he'll ask "Who made dinner?" and when told will turn to that person and say "Oh thank you for for making such a nice dinner!" and then promptly not eat any of it
- How he still doesn't sleep, but he's a snuggler
- How he will do almost anything his sister asks as long as he's not under duress
- How everything is a sword or gun. Sometimes both
- How fast he is on his BB8 bike (with training wheels)
- How he still can't eat many textures and ends up spitting them out
- How much he loves his siblings
- How she can sign things like "more", "all done", and "milk"
- How (I swear) she says "tank koo" to me
- How she won't fall asleep in her crib, I have to cuddle her to sleep
- How she won't stand or crawl, but bum scoots around
- How she doesn't like soft toys, only hard toys / books. Will fall asleep clutching them
- How she doesn't want to be held, but if I'm on the ground she'll scoot over and try to get into my lap by putting feet first and pulling herself in
- How she does the eye bat, head tilt smile like Alice did and it's so damn cute
- How much she loves her siblings
Thursday, 17 August 2017
Goodbye Grandma S
Grandma died August 9th, 2017.
I want to put down my thoughts, but I feel that I'll do a poor job. I'm going to try anyways.
From June to August Grandma changed quite a bit. All five of us visited her on the 2nd. She didn't look the same, she was hardly there physically and could barely speak. But she would smile, and make faces at the kids and wink. She let Lucy play with her hands. Isaac was asleep for most of our visit, but when we asked if Grandma's boys turned everything into a weapon when they were little she made a exaggerated face and said "Oh no! Are you crazy?!?". She said that her kids never did that. She wanted our kids close to her.
That was how Grandma was at the end. In pain, drifting in and out of sleep, but still wanted to play with the kids and have them show her their toys.
Grandma was always interested in kids but I never truly noticed until I had some of my own. She would play games or wink at them over some shared secret. When she needed the help of a walker, she would insist on giving the kids a ride to their glee and my worry. This was always a highlight of their visit with Great Grandma.
I have spent many an hour playing hands of Skip-Bo with Grandma. She would bring our her fitted custom-made felt table cloth to cover the glass table. I assume that she would do this so we wouldn't notice when she was hiding cards in her lap.
If you would purposely do something that would block her next turn, she might lightheartedly say "Back of me hand to you!" or shake her head and say "Born to aggravate. Born to aggravate people!". After a while it motivated me to make moves that would get that reaction, so I guess Grandma was right.
Grandma always seemed to keep herself busy, especially after that shitty week in 1989 where she lost both her husband and father. After that for years, she would usually buy a big ticket item around that time. Sometimes a washer / dryer, sometimes a ring. Just something to distract herself. She took up all these different crafts. Painting on canvas. Silk painting - she made beautiful scarves. Cutting pictures in layers to generate depth. Macrame of lawn chairs. She did beautiful work on whatever she did. She probably learned a dozen other types of crafts that I don't even recall.
For family gatherings there would often be special foods. Homemade pickled beets. Trifle. Shortbread in white and pastel pinks and greens in little rectangles and circles. Little mincemeat tarts, usually served warm.
At Christmas time things would be tastefully decorated. She would have this little green porcelain or ceramic tree with these little plastic "lights" in it that reflected the light from a bulb inside. After Christmas everything would be packed up and put away for a year.
Growing up, when visiting Grandma's house everything would be perfectly clear and orderly. Even the basement. She'd offer us pop - pepsi in this case in funny little cans they had in the 80's. We'd play a homemade nail and ball bearing game that was like pinball but without the paddles. It really is a wonderful game that someone built. I'm not sure if it was my grandfather or great-grandfather.
Goodbye Grandma. I'll miss you.
I want to put down my thoughts, but I feel that I'll do a poor job. I'm going to try anyways.
From June to August Grandma changed quite a bit. All five of us visited her on the 2nd. She didn't look the same, she was hardly there physically and could barely speak. But she would smile, and make faces at the kids and wink. She let Lucy play with her hands. Isaac was asleep for most of our visit, but when we asked if Grandma's boys turned everything into a weapon when they were little she made a exaggerated face and said "Oh no! Are you crazy?!?". She said that her kids never did that. She wanted our kids close to her.
That was how Grandma was at the end. In pain, drifting in and out of sleep, but still wanted to play with the kids and have them show her their toys.
Grandma was always interested in kids but I never truly noticed until I had some of my own. She would play games or wink at them over some shared secret. When she needed the help of a walker, she would insist on giving the kids a ride to their glee and my worry. This was always a highlight of their visit with Great Grandma.
Alice was always willing to accept a ride |
Two kids, miraculously not fighting |
I have spent many an hour playing hands of Skip-Bo with Grandma. She would bring our her fitted custom-made felt table cloth to cover the glass table. I assume that she would do this so we wouldn't notice when she was hiding cards in her lap.
If you would purposely do something that would block her next turn, she might lightheartedly say "Back of me hand to you!" or shake her head and say "Born to aggravate. Born to aggravate people!". After a while it motivated me to make moves that would get that reaction, so I guess Grandma was right.
Grandma and Lucy |
Grandma always seemed to keep herself busy, especially after that shitty week in 1989 where she lost both her husband and father. After that for years, she would usually buy a big ticket item around that time. Sometimes a washer / dryer, sometimes a ring. Just something to distract herself. She took up all these different crafts. Painting on canvas. Silk painting - she made beautiful scarves. Cutting pictures in layers to generate depth. Macrame of lawn chairs. She did beautiful work on whatever she did. She probably learned a dozen other types of crafts that I don't even recall.
For family gatherings there would often be special foods. Homemade pickled beets. Trifle. Shortbread in white and pastel pinks and greens in little rectangles and circles. Little mincemeat tarts, usually served warm.
At Christmas time things would be tastefully decorated. She would have this little green porcelain or ceramic tree with these little plastic "lights" in it that reflected the light from a bulb inside. After Christmas everything would be packed up and put away for a year.
Growing up, when visiting Grandma's house everything would be perfectly clear and orderly. Even the basement. She'd offer us pop - pepsi in this case in funny little cans they had in the 80's. We'd play a homemade nail and ball bearing game that was like pinball but without the paddles. It really is a wonderful game that someone built. I'm not sure if it was my grandfather or great-grandfather.
Me, my brothers, 2 cousins, and our grandparents in 1984 |
Goodbye Grandma. I'll miss you.
Tuesday, 8 August 2017
She's a sailor now
(Rewriting this post since the software lost it)
We are at the cottage now and the weather has improved. We had purchased a kids size sit on top kayak and I honestly expected that only Isaac would use it starting maybe next year. Well, last evening Alice went out and she did an amazing job. She just got it and was moving all around. I was surprised and quite proud of her.
Isaac has been avoiding the water since it's been so cold, but Laura was able to get him in today and he was doing a great job in just floaties. Swimming around and having fun.
Lucy also did great today - it was her first in a kayak. She must have found it relaxing because she fell asleep after a short while.
Another funny thing was Alice sitting in a lawn chair and it falling over backwards with her in it. She said "this didn't end well". Too funny.
At one point I needed a rinse so I told Alice I was going to "look for fishies". This is code for an adult to stand at the end of the dock, bent over and staring at the water to allow young kids to push them in. Alice was pretty excited.
So I go to the dock, stare at the water, then splash! I'm in the water. Alice tells me while I was looking a big wave came along and knocked me in. I got out and we made a big show looking for rogue waves, then when it was safe I went to look for fish. Well, wouldn't you know it but I was pushed in with a splash! I come up and Alice is sitting 10' from the end of the dock. She explains that a big fish jumped and smacked me into the water. I got out and we made a big show of looking for rogue waves AND fish. When it was safe, I leaned over the end of the dock to look for fish and splash! The instant I'm up I look for Alice but she sitting 10' away again and couldn't have possibly have pushed me in (she insisted on the part). I had enough of rogue waves 🌊, fish 🐟, and ducks 🦆, so I went for a shower 🚿.
I've been having a good day.
We are at the cottage now and the weather has improved. We had purchased a kids size sit on top kayak and I honestly expected that only Isaac would use it starting maybe next year. Well, last evening Alice went out and she did an amazing job. She just got it and was moving all around. I was surprised and quite proud of her.
Isaac has been avoiding the water since it's been so cold, but Laura was able to get him in today and he was doing a great job in just floaties. Swimming around and having fun.
Lucy also did great today - it was her first in a kayak. She must have found it relaxing because she fell asleep after a short while.
Another funny thing was Alice sitting in a lawn chair and it falling over backwards with her in it. She said "this didn't end well". Too funny.
At one point I needed a rinse so I told Alice I was going to "look for fishies". This is code for an adult to stand at the end of the dock, bent over and staring at the water to allow young kids to push them in. Alice was pretty excited.
So I go to the dock, stare at the water, then splash! I'm in the water. Alice tells me while I was looking a big wave came along and knocked me in. I got out and we made a big show looking for rogue waves, then when it was safe I went to look for fish. Well, wouldn't you know it but I was pushed in with a splash! I come up and Alice is sitting 10' from the end of the dock. She explains that a big fish jumped and smacked me into the water. I got out and we made a big show of looking for rogue waves AND fish. When it was safe, I leaned over the end of the dock to look for fish and splash! The instant I'm up I look for Alice but she sitting 10' away again and couldn't have possibly have pushed me in (she insisted on the part). I had enough of rogue waves 🌊, fish 🐟, and ducks 🦆, so I went for a shower 🚿.
I've been having a good day.
Monday, 24 July 2017
My welcome greeting
Today I walked through the door and greeted everyone that I could see. The ikea circus tent was close to the door and started to shake / move. Little by little a Lucy popped out from behind or in it, drawn by the sound of my voice. When she saw me she gave me a huge, warm smile.
Today was a good day.
Today was a good day.
Spending time with your siblings can be quite... in-tents. :-D |
Sunday, 23 July 2017
Trials by Children
I feel that every meal, night time routine, just about anything is a challenge with the kids.
Other times it's so easy.
Right now Isaac is getting into trouble because climbing. He'll climb up into the window well in the basement. When you confront him about it in your Stern Parenting Voice he's all like "oh sore-ee. I wove you" then goes in for a tight, very comfortable hug. I think he can speak just fine and just cranks up the cuteness to get out of trouble.
Alice continues to have issues with big feelings but we are all getting a bit better at dealing with them. It's the worst when she's tired, or hungry, or anxious about a new experience. But when things are going well she still allows me to cradle her like a baby and rock her back and forth, back and forth, while I tell her that I love her.
Lucy is bum scooting around a lot. She's starting to get into anything on floor level. She enjoys getting into the IKEA tent and flipping it onto its side. That would have caused hysterics with Alice at that age. She seems to really like toes, shoes, balls, and music.
Sometimes Laura and I talk about going away for vacation that's just the two of us. We get a far off look in our eyes... then fail to see how that would work any time soon. Maybe it would. I just don't know. We can dream.
Things are good.
Other times it's so easy.
Right now Isaac is getting into trouble because climbing. He'll climb up into the window well in the basement. When you confront him about it in your Stern Parenting Voice he's all like "oh sore-ee. I wove you" then goes in for a tight, very comfortable hug. I think he can speak just fine and just cranks up the cuteness to get out of trouble.
Alice continues to have issues with big feelings but we are all getting a bit better at dealing with them. It's the worst when she's tired, or hungry, or anxious about a new experience. But when things are going well she still allows me to cradle her like a baby and rock her back and forth, back and forth, while I tell her that I love her.
Lucy is bum scooting around a lot. She's starting to get into anything on floor level. She enjoys getting into the IKEA tent and flipping it onto its side. That would have caused hysterics with Alice at that age. She seems to really like toes, shoes, balls, and music.
Sometimes Laura and I talk about going away for vacation that's just the two of us. We get a far off look in our eyes... then fail to see how that would work any time soon. Maybe it would. I just don't know. We can dream.
Things are good.
Sunday, 9 July 2017
Lucy is sick
Lucy is sick with a cold and ear infection. She's just breathing and very difficult to make smile or laugh, which is out of character. Also you could an egg on her. I feel bad. We now have meds so it's just a matter of time until she's better.
I feel extremely lucky that we have not had to deal with anything more serious. 😕
I feel extremely lucky that we have not had to deal with anything more serious. 😕
Monday, 5 June 2017
My Nightmare Scenario
I was talking to my former boss today (works 2 cube over) and he was mentioning that he sold his lawn equipment when he moved. Being away for 9 months and he gone on an acting for 12 months for a total of like 17 months where I didn't work with him meant I didn't have close tabs on him. So I said "Oh, you moved?" to which he replied "Oh, you didn't know? Ya, I did when me and (my ex-wife) split up".
He was cool with how things are ("it just happens sometimes") but it was a bit of a shock to me.
Currently I have 5 nightmare scenarios:
I don't think that marriage is easy. It's something that I try to work at and hopefully not screw up too bad, too often. It makes me happy. It's been 10 years and 14 years together.
It's been a very good 14 years.
He was cool with how things are ("it just happens sometimes") but it was a bit of a shock to me.
Currently I have 5 nightmare scenarios:
- Something happens to our marriage
- Something that happens to Laura
- Something that happens to Alice
- Something that happens to Isaac
- Something that happens to Lucy
I don't think that marriage is easy. It's something that I try to work at and hopefully not screw up too bad, too often. It makes me happy. It's been 10 years and 14 years together.
It's been a very good 14 years.
Friday, 19 May 2017
Almost back to work
Next working day I will be back at work. I'm a bit sad about that. I love spending time with the kids, so I'm a bit sad about that. Laura usually has better insight into how I'm feeling than I do recognized this and tried to get me go for a long bike ride tonight, but I made a short one. (Aside: I really need to get a bike tune up so my front wheel spins freely. 😬)
From what I understand about work, a lot of the tasks that I work on were put aside for 9 months with "Let's just wait for Jim to get back" as the reason. Does that mean that the tasks aren't important? That I'm the only person that can do them? Both those answers point to failure on my part. My goal is always to get into a state where I can win the lottery and run away to a tropical island and not worry about screwing people over at work.
The fact that I've not done everything that I wanted to get done. I haven't posted about Holland, or done a blog post from the kids in forever, hardly gone over the photos, not cleaned and reassembled my keyboard, I need to buy new shoes / sandals, etc. I spend way too much time reading twitter or the news. I need to somehow shut that off for myself. I also wish that apple would release a new mac mini so I can fix our home computer setup like I've been promising Laura for years now and retire my 10 year old macbook.
On my bike ride this evening I stopped on the Adàwe Crossing and just listened to the water going under the bridge.
I hate feeling sad. And that makes me feel... sad. Loop. *sigh*
Today was a great day, but I'll have to review it in my head later. Maybe a shower will help. Let's try that.
From what I understand about work, a lot of the tasks that I work on were put aside for 9 months with "Let's just wait for Jim to get back" as the reason. Does that mean that the tasks aren't important? That I'm the only person that can do them? Both those answers point to failure on my part. My goal is always to get into a state where I can win the lottery and run away to a tropical island and not worry about screwing people over at work.
The fact that I've not done everything that I wanted to get done. I haven't posted about Holland, or done a blog post from the kids in forever, hardly gone over the photos, not cleaned and reassembled my keyboard, I need to buy new shoes / sandals, etc. I spend way too much time reading twitter or the news. I need to somehow shut that off for myself. I also wish that apple would release a new mac mini so I can fix our home computer setup like I've been promising Laura for years now and retire my 10 year old macbook.
On my bike ride this evening I stopped on the Adàwe Crossing and just listened to the water going under the bridge.
I hate feeling sad. And that makes me feel... sad. Loop. *sigh*
Today was a great day, but I'll have to review it in my head later. Maybe a shower will help. Let's try that.
Saturday, 22 April 2017
Going Dutch
Well, we're here in Holland and it's great. Still suffering from jet lag but that's just part of the package.
I'm sitting on Sjoerd and Gerda's couch in this lovely neighborhood with blooming trees and the only thing that I hear are the birds. Lots of cars parked on the street by hardly anyone driving them. Bikes going silently down the road side by side, sometimes with parents pushing their kids on a separate bike along. Sometimes the riders are holding hands. Lots of youngish kids playing at the local park having fun yet, no parents around.
I like it here.
I get frustrated when I see things that have been shown to work like narrow streets (easier to do when not a lot of snow...), lots of public transit, protected intersections, pretty dense homes, walkable and pleasant to walk neighborhoods, yet these things are not adopted at home. Why?
*sigh*
The birds are quieter now, so that must indicate that I should end this post now.
I'm sitting on Sjoerd and Gerda's couch in this lovely neighborhood with blooming trees and the only thing that I hear are the birds. Lots of cars parked on the street by hardly anyone driving them. Bikes going silently down the road side by side, sometimes with parents pushing their kids on a separate bike along. Sometimes the riders are holding hands. Lots of youngish kids playing at the local park having fun yet, no parents around.
I like it here.
I get frustrated when I see things that have been shown to work like narrow streets (easier to do when not a lot of snow...), lots of public transit, protected intersections, pretty dense homes, walkable and pleasant to walk neighborhoods, yet these things are not adopted at home. Why?
*sigh*
The birds are quieter now, so that must indicate that I should end this post now.
Monday, 17 April 2017
My evil plans are obvious
Apparently I'm an open book. For instance, the other day I sternly walked into Alice's room and demanded she come over to me because I needed help. She refused citing that she "knew what I was going to do". She said that I was just trying to hug her. So I insisted that she come over in my Sternest Dad Voice™. When she came over I picked her up and gave her a huge hug to her protests of "I knew it! Ahhh!".
I am not an evil genius (or the regular kind either). I'm not so good at the strategy or hiding my intentions. But my children know that I love them, so that will have to be enough.
I am not an evil genius (or the regular kind either). I'm not so good at the strategy or hiding my intentions. But my children know that I love them, so that will have to be enough.
Monday, 3 April 2017
I'm forgetting everything so fast
My brain is broken. I try to remember all the moments with the kids, all the cute little things, but they are leaving my brain. I can remember the now, which is something I guess. The other day Facebook popped up a post I had done from a year ago and it was Isaac with "Kevin" - he couldn't say "penguin". I remember that he did that when I saw the post, but I had forgotten it. And as much as I try while sitting here, I can't actually hear how he said it in my head.
Forgetting anything about my family makes me sad.
And I will forget. I know that. Doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
I will miss the moments how the kids were, but I love how they are now. I want it all.
Forgetting anything about my family makes me sad.
And I will forget. I know that. Doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
I will miss the moments how the kids were, but I love how they are now. I want it all.
Friday, 31 March 2017
On falling into ice cold puddles
Yesterday I was at the park with Isaac while Laura waited with Lucy for Alice to get off the park. He was "chasing" me, so I went up the tall slide and waited for him to climb up. Well, he had a stick, "squirt gun", and even after he wasn't holding it, had a little trouble climbing. I don't know if it was the mittens, the winter coat, boots or what, but he pivited off the hard ladder, stepped onto the platform and then fell flat on his back into the deep icy puddle at the bottom.
He wasn't happy. You wouldn't be either if your t-shirt was soaked 1/2 up your shirt at the back with near zero water.
I hugged him and worked to calm him down by doing things like hugging him and asking if he wanted to play on the swings. After about 4-5 minutes he took a couple of gasping breaths, stopped crying and informed me that he "calmed his body down". Then he asked to go on the swings, no wait, the tire swing!
He informed me that he would say "Weee!" every time that I pushed the tire, and he did. Then he said "I love you daddy. And I love Alice. And I love mommy. And I love baby Lucy. And I love everyone in the world because they are so nice to me. And I even love the bad guys because they are nice to me like Kylo Ren."
Our little guy is very much full of love.
He wasn't happy. You wouldn't be either if your t-shirt was soaked 1/2 up your shirt at the back with near zero water.
I hugged him and worked to calm him down by doing things like hugging him and asking if he wanted to play on the swings. After about 4-5 minutes he took a couple of gasping breaths, stopped crying and informed me that he "calmed his body down". Then he asked to go on the swings, no wait, the tire swing!
He informed me that he would say "Weee!" every time that I pushed the tire, and he did. Then he said "I love you daddy. And I love Alice. And I love mommy. And I love baby Lucy. And I love everyone in the world because they are so nice to me. And I even love the bad guys because they are nice to me like Kylo Ren."
Our little guy is very much full of love.
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
Wash, Rise, Repeat
Things right now are in a repeating loop. Get up, get the kids food. Let them play, get them out of the house, or snack. Play. Lunch. Play. Think about dinner. Play. Make dinner. Play. Eat. Bath, bed, ba-story (sorry, I wanted another B word).
There is nothing wrong with it, but while being on leave there are no milestones. No weekends, no "Oh, I have a meeting on Wednesday" or anything. So when I can remember if something happens with the kids, I have a hard time remembering if it happened today, yesterday, or a couple of days ago.
Lack of sleep could be a contributing factor to my memory issues.
I feel so lucky at being able to be off. I can help get Alice to / from the bus. Help with activities for Isaac, and help do all the baby stuff with Lucy.
Another thing that it allows me to do is take my time planning on what I'm making for dinner and be able to do things like fresh bread and stew. These aren't things that I'll be able to make after picking kids up from daycare / aftercare and getting home at 6pm. Well, not for that day.
Things are good though. The kids are great. I think that we're all having fun.
There is nothing wrong with it, but while being on leave there are no milestones. No weekends, no "Oh, I have a meeting on Wednesday" or anything. So when I can remember if something happens with the kids, I have a hard time remembering if it happened today, yesterday, or a couple of days ago.
Lack of sleep could be a contributing factor to my memory issues.
I feel so lucky at being able to be off. I can help get Alice to / from the bus. Help with activities for Isaac, and help do all the baby stuff with Lucy.
Another thing that it allows me to do is take my time planning on what I'm making for dinner and be able to do things like fresh bread and stew. These aren't things that I'll be able to make after picking kids up from daycare / aftercare and getting home at 6pm. Well, not for that day.
Things are good though. The kids are great. I think that we're all having fun.
Thursday, 23 February 2017
Warm weather brings out the bikes
It's been a while, but today the temp was around 11 C and sunny. What does this mean? It means the road is (mostly) clear and the kids bikes come out. Laura even got out the family scooter and was gliding around.
Isaac was out biking with Laura while Lucy and I got Alice from the bus (with a stopover at Faith's house for some playtime). When he saw us he shouted "Look I have my bike! HAHAHAHA!". Yes, he loves his bike. It was another one of Laura's brilliant ideas to get it.
It brings me great joy to see the kids enjoying being outside and biking. It makes me think that they'll develop healthy habits and have a good quality of life.
Isaac was out biking with Laura while Lucy and I got Alice from the bus (with a stopover at Faith's house for some playtime). When he saw us he shouted "Look I have my bike! HAHAHAHA!". Yes, he loves his bike. It was another one of Laura's brilliant ideas to get it.
It brings me great joy to see the kids enjoying being outside and biking. It makes me think that they'll develop healthy habits and have a good quality of life.
Friday, 10 February 2017
Less fratricide, more friendship
I have to admit, but it snuck up on me. Alice and Isaac are playing well together (most of the time). They love each other so much. They love sharing what they do (as long as no one is hungry, sleepy, sick, or [insert reason here]).
Today Isaac explained to me that Alice is his best friend.
Isaac listens to what Alice says, and then he (mostly) does what she'll ask him.
It's been a nice change. It gives me hope.
Today Isaac explained to me that Alice is his best friend.
Isaac listens to what Alice says, and then he (mostly) does what she'll ask him.
It's been a nice change. It gives me hope.
Friday, 20 January 2017
10 year anniversary
It's not quite 10 years, just a couple of months. We decided to go for a winter trip and we wanted "easy" so we choose Disney World. When booking they asked if it was a special occasion and I said no. Later Laura pointed out about the whole anniversary thing. Yes, sure, that's why we are here. How better to spoil yourselves as a couple than taking 3 kids 5 and under to Disney. Or as Laura pointed out, a good way to end a marriage.
If we make it through this, then I think we can make it through anything.
The kids don't sleep. Neither do we. They have total meltdowns. They have accidents. They become super over stimulated and tired. They refuse to meet someone they've been waiting 15+ minutes to meet.
They are having an awesome time. They are excited. The look of wonder on Isaac's face at meeting each character is awesome, as is his lipstick covered face afterwards. Alice's face totally lit up as she runs to my arms to tell me about the ride I missed due to sleeping kids (Epcot's Filament or Figment or somebody).
Short story: the kids are good, we're good, and there is coffee and beer. All important things.
If we make it through this, then I think we can make it through anything.
The kids don't sleep. Neither do we. They have total meltdowns. They have accidents. They become super over stimulated and tired. They refuse to meet someone they've been waiting 15+ minutes to meet.
They are having an awesome time. They are excited. The look of wonder on Isaac's face at meeting each character is awesome, as is his lipstick covered face afterwards. Alice's face totally lit up as she runs to my arms to tell me about the ride I missed due to sleeping kids (Epcot's Filament or Figment or somebody).
Short story: the kids are good, we're good, and there is coffee and beer. All important things.
Sunday, 15 January 2017
Backup anxiety
Currently I'm trying to back up some photos / videos off my phone before we go on our trip. I'm stressing that I don't have enough backups or in enough places.
Currently I've got most of the pictures on my laptop. Which is backed up automatically using timemachine. But then I copy the files to the NAS, which is mirrored nightly to another drive. I also have 2 drives in a fireproof (fire resistant?) box that I backup files to every once and a while. Then I also upload them to flickr / youtube. Oh, and some good ones are in an offline digital picture frame (low quality).
So, that's like 6 different drives and a cloud service. And I don't feel that it's in enough places.
This drives me nuts. I don't think that our parents ever felt this. They keep photos in a box in the basement.
Is it just because I know that it's "easy" to backup them up to multiple places that it stresses me out? Should I just be saying "screw it" and paying for a cloud service and trusting that the other service will take care of it?
Blarg.
Hopefully in a future version of the desktop software, it can de-dup the whole network and put all the media together in a nice way.
Currently I've got most of the pictures on my laptop. Which is backed up automatically using timemachine. But then I copy the files to the NAS, which is mirrored nightly to another drive. I also have 2 drives in a fireproof (fire resistant?) box that I backup files to every once and a while. Then I also upload them to flickr / youtube. Oh, and some good ones are in an offline digital picture frame (low quality).
So, that's like 6 different drives and a cloud service. And I don't feel that it's in enough places.
This drives me nuts. I don't think that our parents ever felt this. They keep photos in a box in the basement.
Is it just because I know that it's "easy" to backup them up to multiple places that it stresses me out? Should I just be saying "screw it" and paying for a cloud service and trusting that the other service will take care of it?
Blarg.
Hopefully in a future version of the desktop software, it can de-dup the whole network and put all the media together in a nice way.
Saturday, 14 January 2017
Always go to bed leaving a good post
In that frame of mind, here are some pictures.
Some days I feel that we're all going downhill |
A wonderful smile. And Isaac has one too |
Everyone watches Mr. Dressup. |
I sure love cookies. Or I will when I can eat them. Which I will. They will be mine, all mine! |
Family of five enjoying a cool walk to a sliding hill. |
Parenting is hard
It's been hard for the last 5 years. I don't expect it to get super easy in the next 5. Maybe just different. Maybe we'll start to get more sleep and won't repeat ourselves so much because of our inability to make memories.
I gave Alice a shower tonight where she screamed and fought and did everything that she could to fight me on her getting clean. Why did she do this? Well, she ignored Laura's repeated prompts to go to the shower, Lucy needed to nurse, so I had to step in. She screamed and screamed because it was me. The worst part is that I don't think that she really cares. I think that she's just trying to create some control over what's happening and the lack of that control is driving her nuts.
I feel like a shitty parent and shitty person.
It was like -20C out today and I drove Isaac to soccer class. Since you aren't supposed to have a coat that compresses we have a "car coat" for him. I feel like a shitty parent for having him in a coat that's totally not suitable for the cold. I try to double coat him, but I feel like I'm failing him if he's not in the warmest thing I can put him in. And I feel like I'm failing him if I'm not making him as safe as possible in the car.
And then there's the shitty traffic and the way people are driving shittly. Shit. Shitty shit shit. How can I keep my kids safe when the dumbasses around me are doing dumb stuff. I can only guard against so much.
But do you know what would solve that problem? Self driving cars. Boom. I had to add that so when Laura reads this she'll roll her eyes.
I generally had a good day with everyone. It just sucks when it ends with so much screaming. And not the good kind.
I gave Alice a shower tonight where she screamed and fought and did everything that she could to fight me on her getting clean. Why did she do this? Well, she ignored Laura's repeated prompts to go to the shower, Lucy needed to nurse, so I had to step in. She screamed and screamed because it was me. The worst part is that I don't think that she really cares. I think that she's just trying to create some control over what's happening and the lack of that control is driving her nuts.
I feel like a shitty parent and shitty person.
It was like -20C out today and I drove Isaac to soccer class. Since you aren't supposed to have a coat that compresses we have a "car coat" for him. I feel like a shitty parent for having him in a coat that's totally not suitable for the cold. I try to double coat him, but I feel like I'm failing him if he's not in the warmest thing I can put him in. And I feel like I'm failing him if I'm not making him as safe as possible in the car.
And then there's the shitty traffic and the way people are driving shittly. Shit. Shitty shit shit. How can I keep my kids safe when the dumbasses around me are doing dumb stuff. I can only guard against so much.
But do you know what would solve that problem? Self driving cars. Boom. I had to add that so when Laura reads this she'll roll her eyes.
I generally had a good day with everyone. It just sucks when it ends with so much screaming. And not the good kind.
Friday, 13 January 2017
A love letter
My dearest Laura,
It's been seconds since we last spoke. I can almost see you sitting on the couch before me if only I would look up from the computer. We talked at length yesterday about how it was nice that people would send love letters to each other and how that's a lost art. I understand your feeling. I think that the nostalgia is for the time that people would take to compose those letters and the feelings that they would send, rather than the medium that they used.
This is the medium that I use.
It's been a difficult five years. I lament how we would do things like... eat hot meals, walk for the sake of the walk, and not have to clean poop off anyone else's bum. Those were simpler times when we thought that we were busy, and sleep deprived if we missed a night or two in a row. I feel the damage from the lack of sleep may be permanent.
I can picture us then. We were us, but I actually like the us we have now. We're different but the same. Some things are newer, like how you always complete my sandwiches. Other things are the same like how you make my heart skip a beat when I see you. (Note: I should see someone about my chronic premature ventricular contractions.)
I hope that this blog post finds you well. I hope that one day we can hold each other and sleep in to 8 am. I hope that despite the medium, that you will still value this letter.
I love you most,
Your Fuzzy Jim
It's been seconds since we last spoke. I can almost see you sitting on the couch before me if only I would look up from the computer. We talked at length yesterday about how it was nice that people would send love letters to each other and how that's a lost art. I understand your feeling. I think that the nostalgia is for the time that people would take to compose those letters and the feelings that they would send, rather than the medium that they used.
This is the medium that I use.
It's been a difficult five years. I lament how we would do things like... eat hot meals, walk for the sake of the walk, and not have to clean poop off anyone else's bum. Those were simpler times when we thought that we were busy, and sleep deprived if we missed a night or two in a row. I feel the damage from the lack of sleep may be permanent.
I can picture us then. We were us, but I actually like the us we have now. We're different but the same. Some things are newer, like how you always complete my sandwiches. Other things are the same like how you make my heart skip a beat when I see you. (Note: I should see someone about my chronic premature ventricular contractions.)
I hope that this blog post finds you well. I hope that one day we can hold each other and sleep in to 8 am. I hope that despite the medium, that you will still value this letter.
I love you most,
Your Fuzzy Jim
Wednesday, 11 January 2017
Fiction: A Knights Tale
The knight approached the castle through the underbrush warily. It had taken him weeks to find the location. The locals weren't any help. Some quietly discouraged him from going, others seemed far too excited that he was going to rescue the beautiful princess that was said to be there guarded by a dragon.
There's always a dragon, isn't there.
He continued his approach through the remains of forests and horses bones burnt long ago. A sure sign that there actually is a dragon. Darting to walls, building, he stole his way into the castle grounds as quietly as he could imagine in his shiny armour. He began to climb the tallest tower to where the beautiful princess would surely be. In the room at the very top he heard quiet singing coming from inside. Cautiously he poked his head into the room and saw a woman knitting a sweater. He quickly walked in and addressed her.
"Hello princess. I'm here to rescue you."
She looked up happily relieved. "Oh, it's been so long since anyone has tried! I was beginning to get worried. Come with me, I know a route but I can't do it alone."
The knight grasped the princesses hand and led her out of the room and to safety. It was a bit difficult to lead someone when that person was the only one that knows which way to go. However appearances of knightyness had to be maintained.
As they passed by a door, the princess stopped and opened it to the darkness beyond.
"Quickly inside!" the princess urged.
The knight stepped in and as he was about to turn around and tell the princess that it was safe, the door slammed and bolted shut.
"Wait, why did you close the door? I'm here to rescue you!"
"Why do you think that I need to be rescued?"
"The dragon! It's been keeping you prisoner."
"Ah, you have that backwards. I've been keeping the dragon as my pet."
"But why all the stories about princess needing to be rescued?"
"It's very easy to believe, isn't it? I've not corrected it for a simple reason. A pet's got to eat and there aren't many horses around here anymore."
The knight slowly backed away from the door. He felt cold as a warm breath that smelled of brimstone blew on him.
He drew his sword and faced the darkness.
There's always a dragon, isn't there.
He continued his approach through the remains of forests and horses bones burnt long ago. A sure sign that there actually is a dragon. Darting to walls, building, he stole his way into the castle grounds as quietly as he could imagine in his shiny armour. He began to climb the tallest tower to where the beautiful princess would surely be. In the room at the very top he heard quiet singing coming from inside. Cautiously he poked his head into the room and saw a woman knitting a sweater. He quickly walked in and addressed her.
"Hello princess. I'm here to rescue you."
She looked up happily relieved. "Oh, it's been so long since anyone has tried! I was beginning to get worried. Come with me, I know a route but I can't do it alone."
The knight grasped the princesses hand and led her out of the room and to safety. It was a bit difficult to lead someone when that person was the only one that knows which way to go. However appearances of knightyness had to be maintained.
As they passed by a door, the princess stopped and opened it to the darkness beyond.
"Quickly inside!" the princess urged.
The knight stepped in and as he was about to turn around and tell the princess that it was safe, the door slammed and bolted shut.
"Wait, why did you close the door? I'm here to rescue you!"
"Why do you think that I need to be rescued?"
"The dragon! It's been keeping you prisoner."
"Ah, you have that backwards. I've been keeping the dragon as my pet."
"But why all the stories about princess needing to be rescued?"
"It's very easy to believe, isn't it? I've not corrected it for a simple reason. A pet's got to eat and there aren't many horses around here anymore."
The knight slowly backed away from the door. He felt cold as a warm breath that smelled of brimstone blew on him.
He drew his sword and faced the darkness.
Fiction: Restore Point
"Hello. Can you hear me?"
"Uhh... I think so. Where am I?"
"Where do you think that you are?"
"It... it looks like my living room. What.. when is it? How did I get here? Where is everyone? Where are you? It sounds like your voice is coming from everywhere."
"Don't worry about that now. We'll explain shortly. How are you feeling?"
"Confused mostly."
"That's normal. What do you remember?"
"I... I remember snippets of things. Mostly things like birthdays, events. Mostly pictures. Not... smells. Wind. I have gaps."
"That's totally expected. How do you think you got here?"
"I'm not sure. The voice thing is really weird though. It sounds crazy to ask a voice that I'm hearing, but am I crazy?"
"No. You're not crazy."
"A voice is my head would say that, wouldn't you. Well, am I dead then?"
"Yes, but not in the way you think."
"Well that's mysterious. What to explain?"
"You died, long ago. But you left digital footprints. Blog posts. Social media rants. Photos, videos, GPS info, calendars, emails, 3d captures, etc."
"3d captures? I don't remember those."
"No, you wouldn't. We didn't restore you to that part if your lifeline."
"Okay. So you... rebuilt me from digital footprints. But I'm guessing that I'm not really alive. That I'm not really here."
"Yes, you're a simulation."
"Okay. And I'm so calm about all this because you've made me so that I'm calm about this, correct? No need to try to talk to someone screaming and trying to claw out their eyes."
"Yes. This is... standard practice for sim's. They feel less distressed."
"Thank you for that. I guess. What happened to my family? Were they okay?"
"They lived, they grew, they died. As you did. But you don't need to worry. They turned out alright."
"Thank you. So, you're created a 'sim' of me, long after I've died. Why?"
"We are anthropologists. We've found that this is a useful tool to study past civilizations. It's a technique that only works back to the digital age, obviously."
"Obviously. So what happens now? We just talk and then I die?"
"Not like that. We can talk. We can pause at any point, literally. Time will cease for you. We can come back and un-pause you. If you need a break from questions to go for a walk, or do anything else, you can. We can even arrange it so that you can meet other sim's from the same time. We don't want to muddy the waters with you talking to too many ones though. If you want to eat, you can do that. It's not necessary, but some sim's find it helpful to feel like themselves."
"So I've got all the time that you want to give me, to do all the things that I can think of. Probably travel to anywhere, instantaneously? Have super powers? Not get hurt?"
"Yes. It will be like you're a god."
"A lonely god. A lesser god."
"Yes."
"Well then. You may address me as Jim The Lesser God, or ... JTL."
"How about just 'Jim'?"
"That would probably be best."
"So..."
"So, let's start on your questions."
"Uhh... I think so. Where am I?"
"Where do you think that you are?"
"It... it looks like my living room. What.. when is it? How did I get here? Where is everyone? Where are you? It sounds like your voice is coming from everywhere."
"Don't worry about that now. We'll explain shortly. How are you feeling?"
"Confused mostly."
"That's normal. What do you remember?"
"I... I remember snippets of things. Mostly things like birthdays, events. Mostly pictures. Not... smells. Wind. I have gaps."
"That's totally expected. How do you think you got here?"
"I'm not sure. The voice thing is really weird though. It sounds crazy to ask a voice that I'm hearing, but am I crazy?"
"No. You're not crazy."
"A voice is my head would say that, wouldn't you. Well, am I dead then?"
"Yes, but not in the way you think."
"Well that's mysterious. What to explain?"
"You died, long ago. But you left digital footprints. Blog posts. Social media rants. Photos, videos, GPS info, calendars, emails, 3d captures, etc."
"3d captures? I don't remember those."
"No, you wouldn't. We didn't restore you to that part if your lifeline."
"Okay. So you... rebuilt me from digital footprints. But I'm guessing that I'm not really alive. That I'm not really here."
"Yes, you're a simulation."
"Okay. And I'm so calm about all this because you've made me so that I'm calm about this, correct? No need to try to talk to someone screaming and trying to claw out their eyes."
"Yes. This is... standard practice for sim's. They feel less distressed."
"Thank you for that. I guess. What happened to my family? Were they okay?"
"They lived, they grew, they died. As you did. But you don't need to worry. They turned out alright."
"Thank you. So, you're created a 'sim' of me, long after I've died. Why?"
"We are anthropologists. We've found that this is a useful tool to study past civilizations. It's a technique that only works back to the digital age, obviously."
"Obviously. So what happens now? We just talk and then I die?"
"Not like that. We can talk. We can pause at any point, literally. Time will cease for you. We can come back and un-pause you. If you need a break from questions to go for a walk, or do anything else, you can. We can even arrange it so that you can meet other sim's from the same time. We don't want to muddy the waters with you talking to too many ones though. If you want to eat, you can do that. It's not necessary, but some sim's find it helpful to feel like themselves."
"So I've got all the time that you want to give me, to do all the things that I can think of. Probably travel to anywhere, instantaneously? Have super powers? Not get hurt?"
"Yes. It will be like you're a god."
"A lonely god. A lesser god."
"Yes."
"Well then. You may address me as Jim The Lesser God, or ... JTL."
"How about just 'Jim'?"
"That would probably be best."
"So..."
"So, let's start on your questions."
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