I was talking to a child psychologist the other day (in a social setting). She had a theory that woman look for true love, and find someone that they really want to be with and then marry that person. While men will just marry whoever they are close when they decide that they want to settle down.
Now, let me say right now that I don't think that this is true for me. It's just stuck in my head because it's one of those things that never occurred to me, and I don't think it would have either.
Do guys just settle down when they figure that it's that time in their life, or do they really look at it as a life decision and that they want to find that special someone?
Listening to: Space - Fran in Japan
I think it's really important to find that special someone. It doesn't make sense to me that someone would want to spend their entire life with someone who they just happened to be with at some particular time.
ReplyDeleteHow do they even really tell what's going on inside a man's head. I mean, if i were to find the person I love, maybe at that point i would decide to settle down.
I think it's probably better put this way. Women constantly think about settling down. It's probably one of the first things that pops into their minds when they start seeing a guy. Guys on the other hand don't really think about settling down until they are with someone who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
It's not so much that they just settle down with whoever they happen to be with, but that they don't even think about settling down until they meet that special someone.
I like your last paragraph kibbee... well said.
ReplyDeleteBut I just want to add that I think that it's amusing that guys keep on posting what woman think. I find that very funny...
As long as Val says that i should be able to read her mind, I'll keep pretending I can.
ReplyDeleteI'd encourage women to post about what they think guys think. It's interesting. Better yet, if they have an argument about how/what guys think, i'd encourage that too.
ReplyDeleteKibbee, although your reply does not contradict what Jim originally wrote, i don't think that's what the psychologist meant. I think that she meant that often *men don't end up with the woman that they would consider their true love*, but just with the woman they are with when they decide to wed. Your response was pretty smart though, i'll give you that, despite it's unknown truthfulness.
As for my opinion, i really have no idea. I've never thought about it before and have no reason to sway either way at this point. Jim, ask her what her reasoning is for thinking so. I'm interested. And i don't plan on wedding any time soon, so i can't say if she's right about me or not.
I think it does kind of contradict what Jim wrote. I think that what was originally said was that men just kind of marry whoever is there when they decide to settle down. This doesn't make sense to me. Because then there would be a lot men who are unhappy. Either that or men don't really care who they marry, which i don't believe to be the case.
ReplyDeleteBasically it goes like this:
Originally (from the child psychologist)
Bob settles down with Alice because Alice is there, and he wants to settle down.
My Opinion
Bob has decided to settle down, because he is with Alice, who he believes would be a good person to settle down with.
And My Opinion of how women think
Alice has decided that Bob will be the one that she settles down with.
Notice how the woman always had settling down on her mind, and just had to find the right man as this is the instictual drive of women, whereas men don't have the instinctual drive to settle down.
I think that someone watches too much Will and Grace and has created a surplus of estrogen. No names though.
ReplyDeleteActually, there have been studies that support Kibbee's idea, that men may not even consider marriage until they meet that special someone who inspires them to. Interestingly enough, however, this is often true for women as well.
ReplyDeleteBecause it is a symbolic, socially constructed institution, attitudes and feelings towards marriage are also influenced by environmental factors (in addition to some innate gender differences), which makes it difficult to say women usually feel this way and men usually feel that way. Women who've grown up with divorced parents may claim they never want to get married, while men with parents who've been joyfully married for decades may have a happy marriage as one of their life goals.
Contrast this to the feeling of love. Because it's a sensation with both physiological and cognitive components, it's GENERALLY much easier to distinguish between the genders in this case; our brains are simply hardwired differently. If this is perhaps what the psychologist was referring to, then yes, I can see where she's coming from. Evolutionarily speaking, women SHOULD be more cautious about whom they love because their parental investment is so much greater than that of men... this idea goes all the way back to Darwin.
I know it's kind of an old theory, and not "romantic" at all, but come on... it's just plain wacky to think that men come from one planet and women from another... ; )